A year of bloggery:

Thank goodness for blogging!

When times are good, it's a place to gloat and giggle about my successes

When times are bad, it's a place to reming myself of what the PLAN is.


I wonder... if I can keep track of the art I want to buy on here...


Here's to 2009!

Stupid Forecast:

Mind you, they all seem like this when I bike:

Wind east 20 km/h gusting to 40 becoming northwest 30 gusting to 50 in
the afternoon. High minus 15 with temperature falling to minus 19 in
the afternoon. Wind chill minus 31

--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com

Well let's see...

Hmmm... 32, eh?

Five years married, my tenth year of my career, my own house, six years a role-model, good friends I truly don't deserve, some sense of what I want from my spiritual life, some handy skills.

Down over $100,000 on the year, but up $1800 a month on net income, getting by without a car or a dishwasher quite handily.

Life is good.

Ah, to own an old house

The dishrack was broken, and needed a screw to be fixed.

I went downstairs to get a screw.

I heard running water... uhoh.

The humidifier was running water all over the floor, and had been all night.

I had to move the washer to get to the humidifier.

I had to remove the temporary subfloor to get to the water

I had to clean the vacuum cleaner to sop up the water

When I poured the water into the sink downstairs, it backed up.

So... my humidifer has a new motor, I have new permanent sub-floor, my laundry machine and dryer are in better positions (I think) and my downstairs sink is cleaned out and scrubbed out.

And the dishrack is fixed.

Christmas Madness, general status report.

Le sigh...

I'm still on track to be out of debt by the start of February, but it's frustrating not being closer now. I have found the main cost of Christmas, and it's transportation, sadly.

I could do all my entertaining easily, and all my gift-buying fit nicely into the budget... but it's the various transportation things that add up. Ah well, I know for next year.

I also have to re-freeze/bury/hide my credit card again, as having it accessible is waaaay too convenient. Boo on that!

I have also got some good stuff done at home, though that has slowed down as well for Yule-ing. I'm taping all The Boy's windows so I can caulk them all at once on a single day, and that job may be no fun at all... but we shall see.

Then I get to work on solving the heat problem for real... I need the heat!

Microcosms

"Have a good time, and I'll see you back at Communion time."

Some sentences, given the right moment, resonate. I've never found it to be a waste to investigate why.

Let's break this one down, one phrase at at time.

It's in the imperative. "DO THIS". It's not a wish, or a prediction; it's an order.

It uses the verb To Have. Synonyms include: to possess, to own, to hold. There's an implicit responsibility or intention in having something, and it places no burden of de facto change. It isn't, for example, "Be good", or "Join in good". The first implies, pretty strongly, that the listener is not good already and the second implies as strongly that there are others out there whose good-ness you should emulate.

'Good' is different from 'fun', or 'amusing', but does not, despite what some people would tell you, prohibit fun or amusements! 'Good' does not speak so much to how you will enjoy the time, but more to how you will feel after the time. 'Good' does also stand usually as a measurement of the whole.

'A time' has boundaries... is finite. This good thing that you are ordered to do will come to an end. Keep it in mind.

Other cultural equivalents for this first phrase would include "Have fun", "Stay out of trouble, "I hope you have a good time", "Enjoy yourselves..." but they don't carry the same concrete or literal meaning. And they're not very Anglican.

Second phrase: 'I'll see you back at Communion time'

There's a lot of semantic games that can be played with this one. There's some threat in this one... a little R of J... 'I'll see you, but you may not see me' and 'It'll be communion time, but there's no guarantee you're getting any"

A tonne could also be written about 'back'. 'You will return here'. And note that the speaker makes no mention of bringing the listeners back in any way, but underlying the phrase, supporting it, is the certainty that the listener WILL return.

And as fun as it would be explore those phenoms, there's more interesting resonance in the word 'communion'... Substitute in 'sharing', and we're into some interesting territory. 'I'll see you at the time when we will all share together'.

While it's a recognizable moment, it's also not definite. Not "11:30", not "in 45 minutes"... at the time that will come when it comes...

(For those of you playing at home, you can now form your own metaphors for the differing times at which children return to the church)

So I find the two phrases together form an interesting microcosm of a Christian faith statement.

HAVE A GOOD TIME, AND I WILL SEE YOU BACK AT COMMUNION TIME

Just plain odd

Discomfort

I was trading with some ships in the area of The Island, when a patrol craft for the Junta that has taken over after the civil war hove into view.

I was doing no wrong. I have permission to fish in those waters, and to tend to some of the traps and projects that I had started there in the past years.

Apparently the Newcomer had seen me there and was distressed, so the Junta dispatched patrol boats to examine what I was doing.

The ships around me, however, made clear that I was tolerated and welcomed, and so the patrol boat withdrew without bothering me at all.

It came back out again after the ships had left, and I was poling away. The captain, a rebel faction member if ever I've seen one, addressed me over the loudhailer, and explained that I was responsible for discomfort of the Newcomer, because I had not declared my intention to be near the Island.

When I replied that in fact I had told the trading ships I would be there, and that they had passed the relevant information to the coast guard, I was informed, again via loudhailer, that this was not sufficient, and that in fact I was, in the future, to ensure that all my travels near the Island were to be filed with the Island in advance so that the Newcomer would not be distressed.

I don't mind letting the Islanders know when I will be nearby, as an exile it is only fair for them suspect me. It's taking the blame for someone else's reaction to me that chafes...

Live blog

0830... SH is at Rideau Hall, unlikely to speak to the press this morning.
than this, Deb.

0839... Deb Grey said it's about 1.95 a vote for the opposition. No Deb, it's about strike access for federal workers and equal pay for women. You're smarter
0843... The anti-coalition forces are better organized. Dosanjh is putting up a good fight. He hits on the two issues above. Highlights Harper's partisan hypocrisy.

0846... the doors at Rideau Hall are open, but no one is coming out... Is he crying in the bathroom? That would be cool.

0847... The demonstration outside Rideau Hall is growing... but the CBC is not close enough to see the distribution of protesters.

0849... The anti-coalition forces are better organized and better funded.

0851... Can the coalition survive a proroguation over Christmas? They can if WE WILL IT SO!

0852... Conservative strategist calls it 'political opportunism'... Yes, yes it is... but the opportunist is not who you say it is.

0853... worst metahpor of the day so far "This open door is exactly what Canadians want: an open door to get back to work"

0854... Conservative strategist says "the PM may have underestimated the resolve of the opposition". Ya think?

0855... "People just listen to Ken Dryden because he's a hockey player". Eat a bowl of dicks, jerkwad.

0856... NDP MP Black says "Sure we can survive Christmas. We plan to survive to 2011"

Waiting for the 0900 news...

0856... The PM HAS fueled western alienation and separatism. He is also invited to enjoy the aforementioned bowl of dicks.

0858... The coalition represents 62% of the voting public. SAY IT AGAIN, SAY IT LOUD! and they got more votes than the Conservatives did

0901... the doors are closing. oooooookay.

0902... is SH sneaking out? No.

0903... SH's speech from yesterday is replayed. ANGER.... BUILDING...

0903... 'Proroguing parliament is like skipping an exam you know you'll fail.' TRUE 'If the GG doesn't do what the Prime Minister says she's guilty of insubordination' YOU'RE AN IDIOT

0918... the term for a group of reporters is a 'gaggle'

0920... If the GG says no, the PM should resign. Please, Santa, please?

0922... Nothing like this has ever been done in the Westminster Model before.

0928... RCMP have exited Rideau Hall.

0930... There's a podium... Will SH speak after all?

0932... When you reduce a party that represents 1.3 million people to ONE ISSUE and dismiss their other issues, THAT is undemocratic. SAY IT LOUD

0936... There's a water glass on the podium. Is it filled with his tears?

0937... There's a speech on the podium, looks like Harper got his yes... so far... but that's all speculation.

0938... "There will be anger at a proroguation" No shit.

0939... SHIT

0940... PMO has confirmed he got the proroguation. Dosanjh plays it classy, well done. "This gives the PM a chance to accomodate the others, to recognize that he has a minority government" Nice olive branch.

0942... Rae says "PM is following a Sri Lankan precedent. It's like he pulled the fire alarm before a test, the battle is not over, it is starting"

0944... "we have to show solidarity against a PM who has such a profound contempt for democracy and parliament, we will defeat him when he returns. This is a man who cannot be trusted." Rae is angry

0946... Great, it's a dicatorship.

0946... So the PM says he has no confidence in Parliament by this action, so he dismisses them, and the coalition is supposed to be the undemocratic action? Bowl. of. dicks.

0947... Broadbent backs Rae completely... coalition is holding... GG has followed precedent. 'put in an extremely difficult position'

0950... Harper mobilized voters in one part of the country against voters in another. Hatred growing.

0952... I say: Harper's speech last night was republican-style fear mongering.

0954... Here he comes. Prepare rotten fruit.

0955... He starts in French, smart choice. 'Canadians want the gov't to continue to work' FUUUUUUUUUCK YOU. You can't say that then prorogue Parliament. A does not lead to B.

0957... 'I cannot discuss the content of my discussion with the GG... I believe that Canadians have as their priority the economy, the opposition says we should focus on the economy, this gives us a chance to work together."

0958... 'All MP have been elected to represent their constituents'. SO you won't let them do that? You suck and blow.

1000... CBC has crossed their audio feeds. This is very loud. "We are all responsible for the frustrations of Canadians". True.

1000... His overall tone is conciliatory, but he's actively avoiding contentious issues

1005... Do you believe you have the legitimacy to make major decisions? ROFLMAO!

1005... 'This Government was elected with a stronger mandate.' WRONG WRONG WRONG. WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG. 'It's more than my legitimacy, it's my SOLE RESPONSIBILITY. ' Fuck me, we're screwed.

1008... 'The mission of the liberals and the NDP is to work with us on the economy, rather than to get into a side-deal with the Bloc, who have every legitimate right ot be here, but their game is not about working on the economy for the betterment of all of us' Bye Quebec votes! Byyyyeeeeeee! 'the bloc's views have to be taken into acccount' So you kicked their MPs, too?

1010... Every time he says 'let me just say this', we do a shot.

1011... Goddamn CBC cut off Harper's response to the Bloc in French.

1012... Duceppe: 'SH has asked his supporters to launch the worst attack on Quebec since Meech Lake.' Bye Quebec Votes.... byeeeeeeeeeeeee! 'He has preferred ideology over the economy. He has put off for at least 6 weeks any economic package. We need to rid Quebec of SH. In 2004 we wrote a common letter to the GG to make a coalition against Paul Martin. He lied twice in his statement...'

Here endeth the live-blog. I can't keep up with the stupid.

Public Notice:

ATTENTION:

As it is:
a) snowing
b) December
and
c) Advent

Let it hereby be proclaimed that it is the Christmas season. You may now pipe in christmas carols and put up your lights.



I need to buy a new Santa Hat.

A wretch, and some news

Raft living was not my choice, but I have made as good a go of it as I can. My raft is clean, strongly built, and seaworthy. I am aware of, and take seriously, the warnings of harbour officials, my bodyguards and my doctors. As a result, I have endangered no one except occasionally myself.

Some out on the high seas are not so fortunate.

One wretch in particular I saw in the harbour of an island (of which I will tell more later). He had poled in a raft made of old peach crates, dilapidated and smelly. He proclaimed loudly that he was a refugee, fleeing persecution, and leapt ashore.

His beard was scraggly and his boots untied. He accosted a pilot enjoying a cigarette, badgering him to help him carry his cargo. The pilot gave him an odd look, spoke nothing and continued his cigarette.

Seeing a patch of free land, the wretch dropped his noisesome sacks and began to set up a tent. This action drew the attention of the harbour police, who with some shouting and waving of sticks, drove him back on to his raft, and pushed him back into the harbour.

He did not struggle... rather as they badgered him back onto his raft, he entreated other sailors to invite him to their islands to set up his tent. Last seen he was poling out into shipping lanes, loudly declaring his desperate state.

In fairness, I should point out that I viewed this, not as a raftsman, but as a labourer. I had taken up employment on the docks of this island unloading and loading boats. It's the same island I had snuck onto earlier, where I had napped, and had found myself, coincidentally I'm sure, near it again.

It is very disconerting to work on dry land again, to not experience the rocking of my raft under my feet. It is with relief then that I sleep on my raft, drifting among the islands and boats in the maritime darkness.

Why...

Did I draw an arrow from the phrase "in the unity of the Holy Spirit" to a scrawled note that says "cognitive dissonance between how I know the world to be and how I feel it to be"?

What was the sermon the 26th?

Slowly... I near the top... slooooowly

Socked another bunch into the LOC today.

God willin' and the crick don't rise, I will be out of small debt by early February.

Then I can start to SAVE. I haven't saved in 6 years. From 1999 to 2002 I saved $15,000.

If I do that saving on my mortgage that's a significant chunk of change...

From time to time I cross paths with refugees from the Island. First,
there's a brief period of uncertainty when I wait to find which
faction they represent.

If they are sympathetic, there's a warm and cordial greeting, with
news shared, and occasionally, if we have it to spare, food is
exchanged.

However, sometimes I find them to be hostile (the challenge with civil
war is of course that both sides look the same) and then the exchange
is different. Rocks, flotsam are launched at me, and I beat a hasty
retreat..

I sometimes wish my raft were armed, that a hasty whiff of grapeshot
would greet these hostile parties.

In reflection, I fought enough against these factions while I lived on
the island, and if my raft were armed, then I would always be
approaching potential friendly islanders with hostility, as well as
hostile ones.

I suppose that must be a good thing, but I wish there were more ways I
could detect what sort of exiles were which.

Sneaking in

I was drifting along the other day, and I passed another of the seemingly countless islands in this little corner of the world.

I was in a reckless mood, and low on provisions, so I said "To hell with it", and poled my way into a secluded inlet.

Sneaking ashore, I found it to be a most pleasant landscape, with trees and fertile fields, some nice villages with pleasant people... and excellent wine.

I could tell that the people did not know who I was, or where I was from, and I surmise they must have known I was not from the Island, but I kept quiet about who I was.

I drank a fair amount of their excellent wine and fall asleep under a tree in the afternoon sun.

(I slept like the dead, and it occurred to me that this may be the first time I've slept on land since the civil war.)

I woke most vexed.

Perhaps it was that I had abandoned my raft for day, and had forgotten it so much as to fall asleep, but I dreamt terrible dreams about calamitous happenings that I rushed back to the raft in haste to make sure everything was alright.

Of course it was. I am not now plagued with particularly portentous dreams, and never have been.

Reassured, I thanked the islanders for their warmth and kindness, and put out to sea again.

I may find myself in these waters again, and stop off again at this lovely island.

Gay Marriage

"I do not believe the state has a role in marrying anybody"
- A wise friend of mine (and originator of the Stealthy Dachshund moniker)

a) Marriage is a human institution. Humanity invented it. Humans who are not Christian have been marrying each other since before the Bible was written. Therefore you cannot say that marriage is exclusively between a man and a woman based on Divine Mechanics.

b) Traditional marriage is a stupid stupid thing to invoke, as it has involved incest (Egypt), polygamy (most everywhere, thank you), forced adultery (Scotland), arranged marriages (also everywhere) and divorce. Therefore, you cannot say that marriage is exclusively between a man and a woman based on tradition.

c) The Bible opposes homosexual rape. Fine. The Bible MAY mention three homosexual relationships and speak of them as if they were married. The epistles of Paul MAY attack homosexual behaviour, except he doesn't use the right word. Therefore you cannot say that marriage is exclusively between a man and a woman because The Bible says so.

d) Many churches oppose same-sex marriage, including the Mormons, the Roman Catholics, etc... Fine. You may say that marriage is exclusively between a man and a woman because the Church says so.

Any other reasons to oppose it? Oh yeah, can't forget:

e) Marriage does not exist to create children. i) Many very happy marriages are childless, and ii) Many children are born out of wedlock. So you cannot say that marriage is exclusively between a man and a woman for the survival of the species.

That all? Good.

So the only legitimate reason to oppose same-sex marriage is because of the Church. Totally valid and allowed. If you happen to live in a society where the Church makes the laws. Which you don't.

When you say that your Church should make the laws on a social issue, you force the people affected by that social issue to follow your Church, which is a violation of the freedom of religion.

Your church has the freedom to choose not to participate in gay marriage, but your church does not have the right or privilege to make that choice for people who do not follow your church.

A comfortable routine

I thought I'd be less relaxed than this on my little raft...

The storms are completely passed, and the stormy season itself seems to be over. I have a clear bill of health from the doctors, and could, in theory, explore new islands.

Exploring new islands is diverting, but I find myself back on the raft before too long, drifting to and fro again.

Part of the reason for this is that my raft gets solider and solider every day. I patch little holes, brace the sides and bail out the water.

I tend to the little cutting of the Glade, which continues to thrive.

I fish. I hate fishing.

I'm not good at standing still, so this confinement on the raft (and the damn fishing) are both challenges to me. The problem is that they're necessary, so I'd better get used to standing still.

I can't wait for Wednesday

I really do not see how there are not two Americas. I know that Obama has spoken with his typical zeal about the need to unite the US of A, but seriously... this lady doesn't even understand that who you vote for is supposed to be a SECRET. Nobody's business but yours.

I suppose the saving grace is that there is better representation of the diversity of views in Congress and the Senate, but with the concentration of power into the Presidency in the last eight years... is it any wonder that people are so heavily and emotionally invested in the Presidential race?

Have either of the two main candidates spoken about getting rid of some of the Executive power?

RON PAUL '08!

Stolen from another blog

It wasn't me

Interesting words from Michael Bader

"As I show both in Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies, and in my new book, Male Sexuality: Why Women Don't Understand It -- and Men Don't Either, the male libido is neither more powerful than that of women, nor can it be adequately explained through trite generalizations about the cruelty of men under patriarchy. Instead, sexual arousal for both men and women depends on one thing -- the momentary elimination of feelings and beliefs that inhibit it.

Our psyches have to contend with all sorts of threats to sexual excitement. We can't get aroused if we're too guilty about hurting the other, or too worried about him or her. We can't get turned on if we're feeling rejected, inferior, damaged, or helpless. All of us feel these things at some point or another, the mix and intensity of which depend on our particular histories. It turns out, for example, that both male and female desire gets shut down when guilt and worry squelches the capacity for selfishness and aggressiveness. Good and healthy sex requires not only affection and love, but also the capacity to not worry about one's partner, to "let go" with selfish abandon. I've had dozens of men and women who have consulted me about sexual boredom say some version of, "I wish s/he would just throw me on the bed and fuck me!" So-called "lesbian bed-death" often results from just such an inability of the partners to feel selfish, separate, and aggressive enough to "use" each other in a pleasurable way. The sexual ideal of two people lovingly gazing into each other's eyes is belied by powerful needs for something more out-of-control, perhaps forceful, and transgressive. As Woody Allen said: "If sex isn't dirty, you're not doing it right!""

From Alternet

Some sweet good news

Something to give you a bit of a smile.

Why type something twice?

9:47pmJill
is the beer tasty?

9:47pmAdam
sadly.... I"m out
:(:(

9:48pmJill
that is sad. flaw in the plan of relaxing after chores...
there's beer in my fridge...
and I don't actually really know why...

9:48pmAdam
/shakes fist

9:49pmJill
since I've had three beers in my entire life...

9:50pmAdam
well that' swhy you still have some left!

9:50pmJill
but it's not like it's old beer--i've only been here for a couple of months
but i'm fairy sure that it's not *good* beer....

9:52pmAdam
gotcha

9:57pmJill
what was this fabulous chore that let you play with both saws (and not lose a digit)?

9:57pmAdam
It was finishing the little fiddly bits of railing between the spindles in The Boy's railing. I need to find some 1" dowel and then it'll be ready to paint.
That will be awesome

9:59pmJill
a project almost complete...that must be kinda exciting....

9:59pmAdam
Yeah... I had lofty plans to finish the trim inhis room, then misplaced a bunch of teh supplies for it, so that's been delayed until I drag my butt to the Home Depot

9:59pmJill
and The Boy must be excited at the prospect of his room (area) finally being done.

10:00pmAdam
I think so... it's been waaaaay too long

10:00pmJill
I too must venture into one of those scary places. I need a new baseboard in the bathroom and some caulking for mike and then all of the other little piddly stuff that adds up...
how long have you been renovating now?

10:00pmAdam
I cannot wait to be out of debt so that I can start saving up for these big projects and doing them all at once as opposed to doing them indribs and drabs as I can afford it
since 02

10:00pmJill
holy crap that's a long time
what big projects do you have left?

10:03pmAdam
Sending:
ummm... (poo, my cat stinks) Walls and ceiling and flooring in the master bedroom, walls, floor and door in the spare room, door, floor ceiling tub and vanity in the bathroom, railing in the stairwell, walls and trim in the hallway the whole kitchen, wall trim in the front room, the whole back room, shower stall and re-plumb the downstairs bathroom, an above-ground pond, walk-way, bench and arbor in the back yard and put in a new beam.

50 years ago tomorrow.

The bump spread as three distinct shock waves, resembling a small earthquake throughout the region, alerting residents on the surface for a wide area to the disaster. Draeger teams and teams of barefaced miners entered the No. 2 colliery to begin the rescue effort. The rescue teams encountered survivors at the 13,400 foot level walking or limping toward the surface. Gas released by the bump was encountered in increasing concentrations at the 13,800 foot level where the ceiling had collapsed and rescuers were forced to work down shafts that were in partial state of collapse or were blocked completely by debris.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Springhill_Mining_Disaster

Avert your eyes, they're taking on other forms!

2 things:

Powell endorsed Obama 'cause he's not a republican, and he feels guilty, and thinks that the republican party should be left-wing.

And US troops support McCain 3-1. In this survey... this unscientific survey...

My cup runneth over.

My soup is a success. Woot!

My mortgage payments have gone down. Woot woot!!

My cheque for my medical bills came in, which means the second one likely will as well! Woot woot woot!!!

There's a vacancy at work I would be AWESOME at! Woot Woot Woot Woot!!!!

The Boy is here for the night! Woot^2


Pretty much we're doing this around the place.



UPDATE: And it turns out that thanks to the joint benefits that are still in effect... my medical is 100% reimbursed!

Now we're doing this:

Sleeping puppies

Ever notice how calm those puppies are up there? All sleeping and sedate? Lucky puppies.

I haven't yelled at anybody today at work... I might before the day is out, but they'll deserve it, so it will be okay. I get to leave in two hours, that's nice.

I have discovered Groove Coverage. Addicted.

I have a brain massaging appointment this afternoon... that's always fun!

The political situation in the states is UGLY UGLY UGLY. When Colin Powell is being slammed by the Republican Party no good can come of it. I wonder if they've forgotten what he did for them.

I think Edmonton needs an anti-idlign bylaw. I do understand the need to idle your car for a bit when it's COLD. That's NOT +3. +3 is not cold.

There is a mysterious odour in the kitchen I can't place.

Enough rambling.

UPDATE: One last ramble: Traditional Marriage is NOT the foundation of Canada or the United States. That's just a stupid thing to say.

Thought provoking

This.

Election

Well.

This is strictly a token blog to say that I voted! So did some other people! Some.

Lowest turnout in a federal election. That's embarrassing.

NDP broke the blue wall in Alberta. That's encouraging.

The Green Party got 6.8% of the vote, and no seats. The Bloc Quebecois got 9% of the vote, and got 50 seats. The NDP got 18.25 of the vote and got 37 seats. It's broken.

Stephane Dion will be out of job. Probably by the time you read this.

Jack Layton will not be out of a job.

Rahim Jaffer is a big fat liar. Who is out of a job.

A minority government is good for everyone, provided Mr. Sweater remembers his fixed election date this time. Creep.


And I'm done.

Backsliding

/sounds of scrabbling claws.

Gah, backsliding! Backsliding is bad!

Financials:
Bad news: My ultimate financial master plan has back-slid, to where I think I will have the line of credit resolved by February. My life insurance has doubled in price... that's lovely, and I need to get an AMA membership to maintian my HOME insurance.
Good news: still solvent, and have purchased some Xmas/New Year's presents and I think I have enough groceries to get through the week! Including cat food.

Sleep:
Bad news: I have developed a very interesting sleep pattern, where I go to sleep at about 10 instantly, sleep for an hour, wake up, have a panic attack, toss and turn for an hour, then sleep in half an hour in the morning.
Good news: The cats have calmed down enough to climb up onthe bed with me, so that when I do wake up there's something to do.

Renovations:
Bad news: The attic may be un-heatable, due to the difficulty in getting a cold air return built up there. THe beam needs doing, the front deck is falling off and, oh, I don't know, I forgot to buy a thingy to hold down the peeling linoleum in the kitchen.
Good news: I did buy all the window casings for his room, however! Hurrah! Installation can begin forthwith with the stapling and the bradding and then the painting. Also, I think I can figur eout how to get a cold air return up there... I think.

The Boy:
Bad News: This one is tricky... and sensitive... and burning a red hot hole of anger in me. I do not see any commmitment to his well-being, his academic achievement, any extra-curricular involvement or any interactions outside a VERY small group of people.
Good News: He is maturing! We had to redo some homework this week (as it was appallingly badly done) and he took it very bravely... VERY well indeed, demonstrating work ethic, diligence and responsibility.

Energy Levels:
Bad News: I don't feel like I'm accomplishing anything, because....
Good News: ... having had it suggested that my habit of throwing myself into things like a sugar-filled ferret with an attention deficit disorder and a case of OCD may be hard on those around me, I am structuring my days a bit more so that projects have their own days/times that I will not allow to bleed into each other.

Island consternation.

I'm out in the shipping lanes, and well out of sight of land.

I have had a very strange encounter... and it's left me very puzzled.

Over the last week I have floated through a stunning archipelago of islands, each very lovely, but each as different as the last. Some seemed calm and peaceful, others warring and fractured.

One island in particular was very strange... I was drifting by, with no intention of going closer (particularly in light of my new medical troubles as identified here), when a small dugout canoe approached me, offering some sort of sticky fruit, possibly a papaya or paella or a pollo or something.

I hove to, and tethered their canoe onto the side of my raft and did enjoy a brief visit with the merchant.

Following that discussion, the merchant mentioned how pleased he would be if I came for supper with him. I tried to make an off-hand refusal, to casually imply that while I thought that to be a lovely invitation, undefined obstacles would prevent it. (I'm very reluctant to say to an islander "unfortunately, as I am very sick and likely to infect your population with hideous tropical fevers")

Thinking the matter concluded, I detached from the canoe and poled my way away. Not 15 minutes later, four canoes appeared, and beseeched me to return with them to the harbour.

I was hot, tired, sweaty and parched dry by the sun, and I thought there'd be little harm in a brief sojourn nearer to an island, so I accepted, thinking that to be surrounded by the hustle and bustle of a port would be lovely.

When I arrived in the port, hustle and bustle there was! Boats of every type and description scurrying to and fro, unloading and loading and music everywhere.

I saw, to be sure, the usual blights that you see in any community. This island has been very poor, and its people have sacrificed much to build what is there. I believe they also pay tribute to a mainland colonial power.

But what friendly people! Every boatman that passed, every dock-hand above my makeshift craft, waved hello to me. The people seemed as kind and as warm as any I have met in some time and genuinely and specifically glad to see me!

I began to picture that I was being invited to stay on the island, but though every indication was so (including being given a map, an understanding of residency requirements and an introduction to a merchant who was hiring labourers) no clear offer was made.

Maybe I was supposed to ask myself if residency was possible, but I forebore for two reasons:
1) My doctors would be most displeased (in fact, I believe they have dispatched a small barq of marine troops to ensure I do not land on any island)
2) As we toured the harbour, they were more than open to show me where mainlanders live, and to show me that there is no vacancy there, that housing is in very short supply.

As I write this down, though my pencil is getting short and I am running out of paper, I see the value of this journal as perhaps, after writing it, and imprisoning this experience on the page, I will be able to sleep again...

... for since that harbour tour I can scarce close my eyes before the sights and sounds of that harbour re-appear in as vivid detail as when first I saw and heard them.

Weekend plans

Oh what a joyous time I have planned!

Tonight, first official meeting of the recently-separated male live role player's support group at 1715 at Brewsters, then house-cleaning, and chatting with the Boy on the phone!

Tomorrow, it's a 5 hour drive to Saskamatoon in the 'Sing-Along Car' with good people, then there's a Firefly-themed role-playing game, followed by coffee and/or beer, if I'm any judge.

Sunday, back to Edmonton, and try to have a little supper with the Boy before sending him back to his mom's for the evening.

I win!

Raft hopping

I have had an interesting stand-off with the medical authorities.

They have detected some ireegularities that are making it unlikely that I can go ashore anywhere until they're dealt with, or in remission, or what-have-you.

It's interesting because this may be an illness I contracted without realizing it, without seeing it as illness. It's a little bit like suddenly successfully losing weight, then finding out it's because you have cancer.

In this case, (it's not cancer) but it's something whose symptoms I can control if I maintain the proper medication an exercise regime.

So over the last few days I've been doing sit-ups and pushups (you can 't do much more on a raft) and then trying to find ways to monitor the symptoms.

Most islands have harbour physicians who will check me out and give me a bit of a diagnosis. I did stop in briefly onto two islands over the last few days, and one doctor saw no synmptoms at that time, but the other doctor looked very concerned and tut-tutted his way away.

I love liquidity

Moving on from the controversial topic of the Stealthy Dog's animosity for Christmas...

I paid the bills today. and for the first time in a long time it was not a stretch.
2 reasons:
Firstly I have more money. We got 8% this year and we get 7% next year.
Secondly I have less debt. I have paid off the credit card.

As soon as I get rent and this week's mortgage I will make the first large, permanent pay down on the line of credit. God willin' and the crick don't rise, I'll have that thing paid off by Xmas.

I hate Christmas.

I mean, I really hate it. Not the actual event of the birth of Christ, but the holiday itself.

I, for years, have been surrounded by friends who are cynically disposed towards religion if not condescenignly cruel about it, but who expect gifts to be exchanged and convivial dinners to be hosted. Not so cynical now, are you, you hypocrites?

More aggravating, is that I am now surrounded by the children of such people, who demand gifts, and for whom the holiday has no other reason for being. This is particularly disheartening as they're not deciding to be ignorant; they are, if you will, innocently ignorant. Further, because their parents, for 48 weeks of the year, think churches are pedophilic institutions dedicated to graft, any attempt by me to evangelize the True Meaning of Christmas(tm) would be suspicious.

This means that I spend about all my Christmas (with the exception of the bits where I sing) with large crowds of people who don't see the event the same way I do, and who are not open to my distress or discomfort about it.

But, ever Stealthy, I have hatched an insidious plot.

Plot part 1: I like to give prezzies... so I will. Christian recipients get Christmas presents on or around the 25th of December (thanks, I think, to Constantine) and non-Christians will get New Year's presents.

Plot part 2: I will be very careful about who I spend Christmas Day with. If it's a giant stress mess and not a celebration, I'm not doing it! This is a religious day first, not a holiday day first. Also, my cats are good company on such days.

Plot part 3: December 6th is the Feast of St. Nicholas of Myra, and seems like a good day to do random gifting. That seems to be more Christmasy than satisfying the consumerist ravings of small children.

Plot part 4: I'm getting gifts I want to get for people. If they don't like 'em, tough bananas. Oh yeah, and I already have your gift, so don't even ask!

A nice day

Up this morning, off to work, with a very productive day with lots getting done!

Deposited an unexpected cheque allowing me to buy groceries, woo!

Out of work early because I had run out of work to do, scooped up the boy, and off to music lessons.

His homework is done early, we found 12 different kinds of leaves for his arts'n'crafts

Got into music lessons after snacks, read the paper.

Scooped him up from music lessons, down to the Art Gallery (free on Thursdays!) then onto the bus.

Met a friend, had a lovely three-way conversation all the way to the mall, got some groceries, and home on foot.

Collect the dog, make the supper, play 45 minutes of creative non-video gaming, upstairs for an episode of Farscape.

Leave him with Johnny and the Dead, eight blocks with the dog, back in time to remind him to phone his mom good night, he's read 14 pages in as many minutes, chase his toothbrush around his mouth and tuck him in.

Get the dishes and the laundry done, change my sheets, bed-down the dog, pet the cats, fold the laundry.

Blog, go to sleep.

I come in peace!

As I've been focussed on the reactions of my doctors to my eventual dreams to come ashore somewhere, I have neglected the reactions of other islanders to the appearance of my little raft on the horizon of an island.

In some islands, they row out to greet me, waving papaya or payaya or papyrus or whatever local artisan-craft is their island's claim to fame, and entreat me to come ashore.

In others, they repel me immediately, hailing me from afar with threats of military over-reaction if I venture closer.

Others are more neutral, and allow me to re-provision from dock-side under the watchful eye of armed policemen.

And often, if I start with reaction number one... when I mention that I have fled civil war they convert to reaction number two.

All in all, life is much simpler on the raft.


You should read all that comic right now.

Word of the Day

is 'Ylem'.

Analysis of time and space

This is a small chore I have set out for myself to accomplish... try to measure how much stuff I have.

Why am I doing this? Is it the ol' OCD kicking in? It comes from the realization that everything I throw out must have been brought into the house. How much square footage of cuh-rap did I bring in here? What will I find as I go through this?

Total square footage, including basement, is:
let's see... 20x30 is 600, x 3 is 1800, + 385 in the attic is 2185 sq ft..

385 is the area of the The Boy's room, and it is about 150sqft full, leaving 230 sqft of living space.

Aha! That's the lesson here... STUFF space is not LIVING space. I am cutting down on my stuff because I feel increases my room to live. Compaction gives breathing room...

Master Bedroom is 300sqft, and it's about 133 sqft full, leaving 170 sqft. I guess that means that I have almost an empty bedroom worth of space in my bedroom

As I do this, I find myself making small, very significant changes to where I am storing things almost unconsciously

Hallway is about 75 sqft, 8 of which is taken up... well, it is a hallway after all.

Bathroom is 80 sqft, and there's about 24 sqft of floor space, but that's normal for a bathroom.

The office is a bit of a challenge. It's not very big, 100 sqft or so, and 24' of that is taken up by a desk... a REALLY BIG desk. another 18 sqft is taken up by a bed, and there are two doors, that take up about 18 sqft for opening room. There's a small wardrobe, another 8 sqft gone... leaving 30 sqft or so... or a 3x10 space. That's not enough room for someone to sit on the floor, let alone live.

Poor Roommate Girl.

The kitchen is 150 sqft, all but 24sqft of that is cupboards. What do you expect, it's a kitchen!

I dream of having taller thinner cabinets.

The parlour is again about 150 sqft... and it contains a chair and a bench for a total of 21 sqft. There are two doors that take up about 36 sqft. and I dream of replacing them with doors that open out.

I like the ability to do whatever I want in this room. This winter, I think it will be a workshop

The sitting room is about 225 sq ft, and is dominated by a dining room table, which helps take up 57sq ft. There's not a lot of room in here, but at least no one is backing into tables when they stand up anymore.

The front hall is about 75 sqft.. sadly, half full. about 40 sqft. That's too much.

Sometimes a car would be handy, but always a car would be expensive

The basement 'suite' is about 260 sqft, almost entirely empty. There's about 20 sqft of power tools in it.

There's also a growing number of Call of Cthulhu props

The pantry is about 120 sqft, and it is a mess! It's filled with bookcases, cupboards, and stacked drywall!

And now it isn't. Everything that is food is in the kitchen, and the tools and cleaning supplies are all in one set of shelves right at the bottom of the stairs.

POW!

oh, snap!

Fwd: Gong-show Day!

Overslept by an hour (not too bad a sin on a Saturday) but it delayed
the doing of laundry.
Having shelled out for a new hot water tank, the dishwasher died.
Left my ID at home.
Farking around with the dishwasher made me late to get to BiL's house
to fix his wall. That actually went well.
Dealt with four conflicting stories on how I was to return the
borrowed car, and chose the option least convenient for the person I
borrowed it from.
Got all cleaned up, dressed up, showered up for a show, in time for my
date (not a serious one, relax!) to flake out and not attend.
Hooked up with other friends who were coming, but had forgotten their
nephew's birthday, so I am gonna go to the late show while I wait for
them to come back

So I will kill 3 hours in a shopping mall!

Well it's Friday!

Edit- I forgot to enter any text at all, Here's what I meant to say:

I have successfully purchased a Hot Water Tank (thanks to Crimson Rambler for the ride, and to Gana at Sears who helped me out.

I have -4 dollars to my name, but that's ok. I can fix that, and probably should, in fact.

My credit card is suddenly at 44 dollars for some reason, so I need to speak sharply to them about that.

I have a full weekend planned, a crazy crazy full weekend. It's gonna be nuts.
Friday to relax and play (and clean), then off to brother-in-law's to install windows, then to a concert, then to a karaoke party, then to church, then home to relax... then off to a friend's house for supper.

Man, I can't wait for them to finish that South LRT link. That will make all the difference for a lot of these trips.

Monday is geek night, Tuesday is geek night, Wednesday is geek night, Thursday is choir, So Friday I have PROTECTED. Saturday will be PROJECTS day.

I have many projects I would like to start. Some of them I have the equipment for, most I do not. That, too, will come... in October. I start no indoor renos until October, so sayest the Wiener Dog.

It's funny because I'm watching my money so carefully, I'm beginning to realize how care-free I was about debt before. Now I really agonize over pulling $ out of my Line of Credit, even if it means delaying renos... and I do so love to buy renovation supplies.

Calmed again...

I threw my last missive into a bottle into the sea in the height of the storm.

The storm ended earlier than I thought, leaving a beautiful calm sea. More beautiful because I hadn't been pounded into pulp by the crashing seas? Likely.

In any account I am back on my raft and once again out in the shipping lanes. The Glade cutting has completely survived... sealed in its little box I doubt it even knew the storm was occurring.

I drifted into a harbour two days ago for a medical check-up, and was un-surprised to find that the medical authorities still do not consider me safe enough to come ashore. They have given me some exercises and some stretches to do and those I am trying to remember to do them.

The exercises are focused on... well it's odd. As far as I can tell, the doctors think I may never come ashore, and their exercises seem to be devoted to making sure I can eke out a life in the shipping lanes.

Found in a bottle:

And the wind is a howling! It came on faster than I thought, and harder, too.
The raft is beseiged by sea-birds who seem to think that their
presence stabilizes the raft. The Glade cutting is safely stowed
under a box... I seem to be ready. The sky is dark, and in fact I can
no longer tell which way is east... No idea where the wind is pushing
me.
I should tether myself to the raft, but I don't seem to have the
energy. It's not too late for me to pull into a safe harbour, but
again, I don't have the energy.
So I'm sitting in the middle of the raft, leaning and bending as the
raft tips and wallows. The first big slant of the raft bowled me over
but once I realized the storm had hit I took my balancing very
seriously.

The paper from here down is torn off

Sadness...

On the horizon

I'm writing this letter and sealing it in a bottle in case I'm lost at sea and never found, or marooned on some desert island.

There is a storm on the horizon, and it looks like one of those great big tropical roaring storms that threatens to swamp everything in its path. If my raft had any hatches, I would batten them downm, if I had any cargo... I'd secure it, but as I can't, I'm just watching it loom over me.

It's funny to think how it could have snuck up on me. I've been so worried about the raft, and the little apple crate where the Glade cutting is growing that I've completely missed the tell-tale drop in pressure and the cessation of the breeze.

I'm tempted to pull into a port somewhere, violate my quarantine and seek shelter, but that would not be wise... the quarantine remains in place, my earlier sneaking notwithstanding.

I'm tempted to put out a distress call to teh coast guard and be rescued... but I think I will face this one alone. It won't be the last storm I encounter out here, so it better be the first one I survive out here, and it would be nice if it were the last one that frightens me.

As one pro to another:

"Mississippi issued evacuation orders for the nearly 3,000 trailers and cottages built along state's coast to house people left homeless by Hurricane Katrina three years ago."

You people suck.

Koboldean Musical Interlude.

That is all.

Money pondering again

So I said:

1) New vacuum cleaner that CR may be able to help with - Soon
2) New bike - August
3) Big grocery purchase - September
4) New hot water tank - October
5) Christmas presents - November

And so far I have:
1) and 5) (mostly)

And don't have:
2), 3), 4)

HOWEVER:

CREDIT CARD DEBT = ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO POINT ZERO ZERO ZERO



LINE OF CREDIT = $3,600 (down from $53,000) Really.

Let's express that in graphical form:
Here's the word 'debt' 53 times: debtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebtdebt

Here's the word 'debt' 3.6 times:
debtdebtdebtdeb


That's how I spell relief!

Income is, 3800 a month, mortgage is 1800 of that, leaves 2K for insurance, food, utilities, savings, paying down the LOC, ale and whores.

And maybe, you know, a bike, a hot water tank and a year's supply of staples.

Update: I have, having paid off the credit card, now redeemed the points on it for $500 cash-back... hello hot water tank!

Single source of future

"Why now, why not two years ago?"

An excellent question that goads from time to time.

Is it that I no longer need to pass through a litany of examinations, interrogations and expectations before I begin? No, because that would imply that the examinations, interrogations and expectations no longer exist. They do still exist, albeit internally.

Is it that I have now the time? No, because the day remains 24 hours long, my workday remains 8 hours long, and in fact a run to the hardware store now takes 45 minutes as opposed to 20, and there's no one behind me to pick up the slack.

Is it that I can work now for up to 10 hours a day without interruption? This may be more relevant, as I am no longer made to feel guilty for my physical tolerance for brute labour. However, life could have been structured to accommodate this had I known about the disparity in advance.

Is it that I now have more knowledge? No, that is definitely not it, as the 'hockey-stick fence' will mutely testify. (PS. There are three dimensions and this I will remember for next time)

I conjectured on a few other causes (insanity, divine grace, drop in lumber prices (HA!)) until I hit upon:

Single Vision: I, and only I, know how it will look. There is no negotiation, no need to explain the final product, no need to consult on colours, styles and materials. There is only my vision of the end-result, transcribed to paper in a materials list, transmaterialed (my word!) to product through power tools and then... photographed for Facebook.

Looking at that phenomenon in reverse, it occurs to me that one of the primary causes that may be blamed for my current predicament is the lack of a shared vision.

Without a consistent vision, it is impossible to work for a solution, so no work occurs. This is as true for the metaphysical as for the physical.

We had a lot of visions of the future, don't get me wrong, but never a vision. Or when we did, the vision was ephemeral and fleeting, and replaced soon by a new vision.

Work madness...

It's a bit weird around The Office these days.

Deputy #1 is trying to get the whole ship turned to his way of thinking. He is in charge. People will get fired before this is done. Again.
Consultant #1 is keeping his head down and being very quiet and working along.
Director #1 is trying to keep Manager #1 (his supervisee) from being fired.
Manager #1 is insane. Moon-bat. And seditious and treasonous and a snake in every way. And loves his grandson very much.
Officer #1 is trying to get Manager #1 (not in his chain of command at all) fired by writing to his close friend who we call "The Premier."
Assistant #1 is a gate-keeper to all information and forgets that he is not Deputy #1, but is in fact a secretary. A small but key difference.
Assistant #2 is working slooooooooooooooooooooowly on nothing.
Receptionist #1 does everything he is asked cheerfully and quickly. Sometimes he does it right.
Assistant #3 is working on everything quickly! and well!

inhale...

Assistant #4 thinks the project I am asking him to help with will fail. And is going on vacation for two weeks. "Take three", I say!
Manager#2 has two other jobs and takes weeks away from the office in the mountains in the staff vehicle I share with him. I ride a bike. To meetings.
Director #2 has eight children, one of whom, aged 3, is terminally ill. His mind is not on the job. He also does not want the ship to change direction. If you disagree with him, he will ignore you. Often to your face.
Assistant #5 is very nice. Such a nice person. and... I'm sorry... dumb. Dumb as in "I didn't know clouds turn to rain" dumb. I kid you not.
Coordinator #1 is doing a Certificate in Something, and will take any assigned task and apply it to the Certificate. He also asked to be excused from a project for personal medical reasons and then explained the reasons in inappropriate detail. Eeg
Coordinator #2 likes new ideas, and hates old work. Great guy to start a project with.
Assistant #6 has fled Manager #1's shop, and hates everything, except me. He tells me gossip.

inhale...

Coordinator #7 hates his job. He is fighting with Assistant #1, daily. Sometimes loudly. It's funny 'cause they have the same name.
Director #3 supervises Director #1 (and Manager #1.) and has PTSD from Bosnia.
Our communications staff don't work here, hate all of us, and have a different business plan than we do.
Director #4 quit to go back to Ottawa
Director #5 thinks the whole ship has already turned, and is galloping madly off in a new direction. Alone. And is the supervisor of all the Officers, including Officer #1 who is friends with The Premier.
Director #6 is on his own project, and keeps asking for direction from front-line staff about what the project should be. It's a pan-provincial assessment of over 700 emergency response departments in 350 communities. It's due in two months.
Manager #3 had a shouting match with Manager #4 in front of everyone and has taken up drinking. Seriously. And is Muslim. Really. And threatened to burn the office down. In jest, I think. I really like him.
Manager #4 knows where the ship is, knows where it's pointing. To ensure support from his staff for the new direction... he hired contractors. He outsourced his entire department. Except for...
...Assistant #7, who hate his job, actively hates everyone around him, and has been sent to work for Manager #4's outsourced staff, because no one else can stand to work with him.

inhale...

Officers #2-13 work entirely for Director #5, who, as has been stated, is off on his own. If they died in their offices we wouldn't know for weeks. Some of them may already be dead.
Officers #14-18 don't have a boss. They work for whoever asks them to do things. Mostly they work for themselves. Honestly.
Manager #5, their old boss, quit to go work for everyone that Deputy #1 fired this time last year.
Officer #19 has quit, in his 60s, to go back to the Army to go to Afghanistan and be shot at and mortared and hot and covered in sand because it is less stressful than his job now.
Officer #20 defies description. An ex-alcoholic ex-smoker recovering from a suicide attempt last year who walks faster than I run and whose job, as far as I can tell, has taken on the workload that Officer #19 has dropped in addition to his own job. He will admit that he has no training for his current job and does not understand what some of the words mean. His voice has an edge of panic to it. I really like him, too.
Trainers #1 and #2 are doing the work for trainers #3-4 and work for Manager #1. They are also being slowly driven insane by Manager #1.
Consultant #2 stalks the building like a plague doctor, dispensing dire warnings about not being on the ship. Consultant #2 is very very scary.

I look out the window a lot.

A rambling sort of a post.

In aid of this post, I am copying the format from Psalm 23.

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in nice bed covered in laundry and cats. Also it's really hot, but I seem to be lucky and able to sleep in +22 celcius, which is about what the bedroom is. I sooooo look forward to the end of this particular heat wave.

he leads me beside quiet waters in Lesser Slave Lake, made less quiet by the presence of screaming children, but that's okay too. I am also a complete failure as a fisherman, but I'm pretty good at sitting still.

he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of not having a cigarette in a week (though I suspect I'll have one tonight) for his name's sake. I am somewhat sore physically as a result of having put up tin roofing all weekend in the incredible heat

Even though I bike through the downtown area, I think I am safer and faster than any car. I'm also finding that I go about 8-9 mph on the bike and can get anywhere I need to, including to the big-box stores on the periphery of the city, pretty easily.

I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

I should prepare a table before me in the presence of a week with no groceries, so I will go the Safeway after work and get some food. I hope burgers will suffice for tonight's repast!

I anoint my head with home-made shampoo; my cup is empty, so hopefully tomorrow I will make some more.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in Isambard for some time, particularly after I get the balcony finished and the fence built, which are my remaining summer tasks. I also need a new tupperware for holding the millet for the sparrows (greedy buggers that they are).

Home

I think I will name my home 'Isambard'

Shore leave

Well. On Saturday, against the advice of harbour officials and immigration lawyers, I snuck onto an island,.

Was it a good idea? No.

Was it a good time? Yes.

The locals were very friendly and warm, even though when I told them where I was from they knew the tragic story of my island torn apart by civil war.

They fed me, they gave me strong wine to drink, and invited me into their temple for a service. Very nice community, all things considered.

With a lightened heart and a full belly I snuck back out to sea and onto my raft.

bob, drift, bob, drift.

Glade tending

I have been tending to my little sprig of Glade that I have been nurturing on my raft.

It seems in remarkably good health for having been uprooted and transplanted. I credit this to

a) the gentlest possible uprooting, taking care to uproot it during a period of dormancy
b) taking the same fertilizer and water that I used to tend to the whole Glade and ensuring it remains consistent throughout the voyage.
c) Not taking any action to violently crush or kill any fungus or blemish that may have appeared, but letting them grow to see what they are and what, if any, benefit they may bring. I'm sure the shock of sudden pesticides or fungicides would damage the cutting seriously or irreparably.

And I bob up and down.

Status report

Let's have a look around!

My health: so-so, today. I am struggling a bit with the whole smoking
thing. I am also very tired, but that is also my own fault.

The attic is more or less done, but I need to mop the floor or at
least spot clean the sticky spots.

The bathroom is good and in a maintainable way

The linen cupboard needs a reaming and a sorting in a serious way

The bedroom is a bit neglected but that can be overcome with a couple
of days work

The stairs are fine, the fishtank is fine.

The entryway is good... The drywall needs repair though and soon!

Main room is good but a bit full of C's stuff...

The sitting room is fine but suffering a bit from bedroom-it-is.

The kitchen is fine

The basement is maintainable...

The balcony is next. That's the next big thing!

--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com

A classica Roman problem.

What is Latin for "not my fuckin' problem anymore"?

Nil mi fornicati problem est

--

Screenplay

An 18 year-old boy shows up the porch of his father, asking for 18 years of allowance. The father retorts that he'll pay it, but only if he gets 18 years of games, school concerts, games of catch, chores, etc.

The raft

I was dabbling my toes in the ocean this morning and watching the shipping go past when I had a thought.

These ships are made by other people, in some kind of ship-factory I would assume...

The island seem to come from, um, wherever islands come from (geological forces? the spines of giant sea monsters)

My raft, however, came from me. I built it. Is it as seaworthy as the great ships? I won't know unless I drift into the open ocean on it... Is it habitable? If medical authorities continue to extend my quarantine, how long could I live on this raft? How long could I keep the cutting from the Glade alive?

Dabble dabble dabble...

Feeling like a human being.

I seemed to be pulled to write a non-fictional post this morning, and it seems to be morphing into a post on my physical surroundings

Physically, I'm doing very well! I've quit smoking again, going on three days now, and pretty much guaranteed to last over the weekend at least. I was also able to store beer, something I have not been good at in the past. I sleep well (though not quite enough) and my level of physical ability has stayed very high.

My basement is almost empty. I have some tools to assemble, some papers to file, some crafts of my own to store, some crafts of S's to throw out (as she doesn't want them, I asked) and then it will be a little workshop thing.
I would like it to be clean enough to sleep in if the weather gets really really hot again.

My main floor is coming along. I have one room that contains only surplus furniture and some furniture for my bedroom, so it will be completely empty. The kitchen is coming along as well: one cupboard is empty, the cat food is in a cupboard, the counter is very clear and the fridge is clean. The entryway is cleaner, but I still need to replace the rugs in it before winter comes.

My second floor is so-so... I need, desperately, to clean the bathroom, and Norwex be damned: it's gonna need some VIM. My bedroom is in good shape although there's some furniture moving to be done there, and I'd like to raise the height of the curtain rod in the closet to accomodate a second rod underneath it.

The Boy's room remains as it was, and when we have some time together we will examine it...

Bobbing up and Down

Today's little thought is thus:
I actually have no nationality. Given the difficulties that I am having with the harbour authorities, I may never be allowed to return to the mainland.

I did have an offer of citizenship from an island, but it's one of those scummy little ex-radar-station micro islands, and I'm a little too old for that thank you very much.

My raft has grown much bigger, oddly. On Saturday a large pile of debris floated by the harbour and I was able to hook onto it and drag it to the side of my raft. I discovered that contained some useful things, which I have not incorporated into my raft.

And I bob up and down...

I drift some more in the midst of the shipping lanes, cargo vessels
and passenger ships passing so close their wakes threaten to upset my
little raft.

I will soon release my bodyguard from his employ, as I think I will
have amnesty granted to me by the ruling Junta of the Island. They of
course have not granted me new citizenship but I'm not sure.I would
take it if it was offered.

The doctors continue to suggest there may be medical problems as yet
un-manifested, so I keep away from any vessels that try to hail me,
and I fight the urge to try and stow away and flee my little raft.

So I continue to drift and listen to the short-wave radio.

More money pondering

Hmmm,

So I have planned: (the photos don't line up)


1) New vacuum cleaner that CR may be able to help with - Soon
2) New bike - August

3) Big grocery purchase - September

4) New hot water tank - October

5) Christmas presents - November


And I have a bit more debt than I thought so that may have to be it for now.

Disencombobulated

I'm feeling pointy, vaguely like a porcupine. It's a kind of 'kick the door down and shout obscenities' sort of a mood, so it's best to blog, methinks.

The problem with this is the effect is has on me physically. It's hard to concentrate, it's hard to breathe, and nothing fits right from my skin to my coat.

The frustrations are piling up a bit, and there's no release or pressure valve at this point available to me (as I'm out of building supplies, can't smoke until Sunday and can't drink 'til after the birthday party).

WARNING> WHINGING AHEAD

I'm also cleaning the damn house, including mopping and vacuuming. Thank goodness for the The Boy's work ethic or I swear, with turnip in hand, I would burn the place down.

BAH

A tired dog update...

What is happening these days? As I sit on my little raft in the middle of the ocean? Well, the bodyguard is keeping track of my safety and ensuring my safety. There have been no threats on my life, and no attacks on my people, but I appreciate the guard nonetheless. It seems that I may not require it, but it only takes one bullet... so I have a bodyguard.

The Harbour Authorities still have not allowed me to land again, and I fear there may be a sort of quarantine period established in case I've picked up any rare tropical diseases.

It's really dull to drift around in a raft in the middle of the ocean, but I guess if I introduced some kind of bubonic plague to a hitehr-to unspoiled island I'd feel really bad.

still drifting...

I like this

I Tore, I hackt, abolish`d, said and did,
More than knight-errant else on earth hath done:
I, dexterous, valiant, and so stout beside,
Have thousand wrongs reveng`d, millions undone.
I have done acts that my fame eternise,
In love I courteous and so peerless was:
Giants, as if but dwarfs, I did despise;
And yet no time of love - plaints I let pass.
I have held fortune prostrate at my feet,
And by my wit seiz`d on Occasion`s top,
Whose wandering steps I led where I thought meet;
And though beyond the moon my soaring hope
Did crown my hap with all felicity,
Yet, great Quixote, do I still envy thee.
- Cervantes

Found this onthe MP3 player this afternoon

On the bank of the Tennessee River
In a small Kentucky town
I drew my first breath one cold November morning
And before my feet even touched the ground
With the doctors and the nurses gathered 'round
I started to dance
I started to dance
A little boy full of wide-eyed wonder
Footloose and fancy free
But it would happen as it does for every dancer
That I'd stumble on a truth I couldn't see
And find a longing deep inside of me, it said...
I am the heart, I need the heartbeat
I am the eyes, I need the sight
I realize that I am just a body
I need the life
I move my feet I go through the motions
But who'll give purpose to chance
I am the dancer
I need the Lord of the dance
The world beneath us spins in circles
And this life makes us twist and turn and sway
But we were made for more than rhythm with no reason
By the one who moves with passion and with grace
As He dances over all that He has made
I am the heart, He is the heartbeat
I am the eyes, He is the sight
And I see clearly, I am just a body
He is the life
I move my feet, I go through the motions
But He gives purpose to chance
I am the dancer
He is the Lord of the dance
Lord of the dance
Lord of the dance
And while the music of His love and mercy play
I will fall down on my knees and I will pray
I am the heart, You are the heartbeat
I am the eyes, You are the sight
And I see clearly, I am just a body
You are the life
I move my feet, I go through the motions
But You give purpose to chance
I am the dancer
You are the Lord of the dance
I am the dancer
You are the Lord of the dance

Boring real stuff

I needed a place to write this down less public than facebook:

Things to buy:
Vacuum Cleaner (400-800) that will pick up pet hair
Table Saw (250) for making arts'n'crafts trim
Truck (5000) for buying cat food and building supplies

So if I have 1350 a month disposable, but 10K in debt after buying the truck,
I can put 300 into bills (1050), 300 aside for The Boy (750) then 500 a month onto the debt which is 20 months (not including little bonii here and there)... Hmmm... that's not going to work.

If I can keep the bills down to $200 (1150), set aside 250 for TB (900), put 700 a month onto the debt (200)... let's see... 10,000/700 is 100/7 is 15 months...

That's better...

If I focus on the credit card first, then on the LOC, I can keep the cost of maintenance down very low.

So I need a chequing account for me, a savings account for TB, a savings account for The Moneypit... and that should do it.

INTERMISSION

Well DUH... after laying this out to someone else, I have figured out that buying the truck will have to wait 'til next year. POO

Next year, my pretty:

Busy day

A lot has happened today.

First: I met with the Harbour Authorities about my re-entry to the Mainland. A very productive discussion where in fact it turns out I do not pass the physical examination to return to the mainland.
However, the Harbour Authority believes that this is repairable and we will set forth on this. I was more tired after the physical exam than I thought I would be, which is promising. A rigourous schedule of doctor's appointments and quarantines has been established.

Second: I snuck back onto the Island to visit the Glade and was startled to find that as a result of my absence from it, certain weeds had taken hold. I was in the process of fixing this when the local Glade Tenders appeared to assist, apparently they place the Glade above their sects and sides in the civil war for this moment, which is heartening.
However, I did catch them making some snide comments about how they feel they should have been the main tenders all the time that I maintained the Glade over the last 6 years.
I felt like screaming, and in fact had reached for the pistol in my pouch when I reconsidered. I toiled in silence to clean up what was done, and did not say:
"The Glade has been here all this time, why not tend it yourselves at all during that time?"
or
"The Glade has needed your help, but you had to go off and fight a civil war instead!"
or
"How dare you resent what I am good at, what inspired the Bwana to invite me to this island in the first place?"

Assholes to the lot of them.

Update from the raft

I float in the sea...

I am barred from landing on any other islands, and I am not yet ready to return to the mainland. Various harbour authorities have been contacted to certify me physically, and to ensure that I am not a criminal.

I have completed some negotiations with the ruling Junta of the Island to return to tend the Glade as often as I like.

This is good.

I am contracting a body-guard to ensure that I am not hassled or bothered while doing this. This body-guard may come as an affront to the Junta government but I must force the issue.

Someone else's words

That is all.

numbers all over the place

okay... 2400 + 1100 is 3500
3500 x 12 is 42000
There are 26 biweekly periods in a year
42000 divided by 26 is 1615 every two weeks or so
1615 - 820 is 800
minus 200 for bills is 600
so that leaves 600 every two weeks for: vehicle, food, credit card debt, renovations, The Boy, and savings.

10,000 divided by 600 is 16, so in 16 pay periods I could save up enough for the BIG SCARY HOME REPAIR that I need to do.

16 pay periods is 8 months.

or... in 4 months I could save up half of it, and put the rest on a credit card...

or I could get another 10,000 on the mortgage to pay for the BIG SCARY HOME REPAIR right away.

Clarification

If you see that I
support you, please understand
I do not like this

If you see that I
am happy, please understand
I do not like this

If you see that I
smile at you, please understand
I do not like this

If you see that I
help you pack, please understand
I do not like this

If you see that I
wave to you, please understand
I do not like this

If you see that I
give you space, please understand
I do not like this

If you see that I
leave you be, please understand
I do not like this

If you see that I
ignore you, please understand
I do not like this

If you see that I
am angry, please understand
I do not like this

If you see that I
do not sleep, please understand
I do not like this

If you see that I
smoke too much, please understand
I do not like this

If you see that I
just stand still, please understand
I do not like this

If you see that I
close my eyes, please understand
I do not like this

If you see that I
walk away, please understand
I do not like this

I am good at this
But that is not evidence
that I accept this

Civil war defeat

I have fled from the island, and am making my way slowly back to the mainland.

Initially, though I planned to take some survivors with me, that has proved to be impossible. When I asked some of the sympathetic locals to return with me, they seemed interested at first, but then when the departure date we had chosen grew closer, their enthusiasm waned, and they seemed less interested.

I think they may have feared fleeing the island, and abandoning their fellow islanders, even the ones that I feel are the causes of the civil war. I suppose I cannot expect them to abandon their friends, families and co-workers so suddenly, given that the words spread against me must have been circulated by them.

This is the first time since I have fled the island that I have had time to sit and write, but I have some notes hastily scribbled on my boarding pass and on a copy of my ferry receipt.

More astute readers will be wondering what has happened with the glade, and I confess I do not know... I will attempt to prepare a place for it, and hope to transplant it, or cuttings from it, in the future.

Civil War

The civil was seems to have calmed last night. There's no peace at all, for certain, but it did seem hopeful.

Locals greeted me in the street from both factions and were glad to see me, I think. I felt safe again.

And, I found the Newcomer actually sweeping a sidewalk! Perhaps he is startled by the civil war as I am.

News of the civil war is spreading to the mainland. International news outlets have picked it up and I fear for our image internationally if the news spreads too far.

Civil war

With the memories of last week's disturbance fresh in my mind, I have been seeing more and more signs that this civil was is long-standing and may last some time.

I think there are strong anti-mainland factions here who were told, unrealistically, that linkages with the mainland would bring prosperity and for whom that prosperity has not materialized.

For some islanders the prosperity has been all too real, but this may have alienated them from their poorer brethren. This may create an expectation from the upper classes that the lower classes should suffice themselves with the overall increased prosperity of the island and not quibble over their own individual circumstances.

What does all this mean to me?

I think I, as the resident mainlander, may be able to bridge the gap, or at least I must avoid being drawn in by one sect or another. When I talk to a sect leader, I will need to emphasize that I support all the islanders, that other islands are also supportive of peace and prosperity on the island, and that civil disturbances are normal...

I must not blame sect leaders for problems, I must not condemn behaviours by sect leaders against one another, and I must ensure that I am not dependent on any one sect for my own survival. Roads to my house, power, water, and other utilities all can wait until the population here is at peace with itself.

Things I have done today

Petted cats

Been grumpy

Had a cup of tea

Eaten toast

Installed stair nosing

Messed about with the bathroom door

Had more tea

Tidied the bedroom

Made a bed

Made another bed

Cleaned the bathroom

surfed crooksandliars.com

Been bad

Ate lunch

Had a break to read

Had a coke

Cleaned the entryway

Stripped some paint off the doorways that jam

Cut excess vapour barrier from the swale between the houses

stripped more paint

cleaned the laundry area

Did a load of laundry

put away towels

watered the cats

watered the plants

hung some pictures

Called my boy

Raked my front yard

Tried to fix a birdfeeder

Had a beer

Had a nap

Fed the birds

Patched a hole in the drywall, and damn nicely, thank you

Listened to the Habs game

Had another beer

Changed the water for the fish

Been bad again...

From the ferry

I'm on the ferry to the mainland tonight

The Newcomer is overseeing the construction of a new road, as suits his skills, and I had a thought on him:
He works very lttle.  He enjoys a particular hill-top and spends a lot of his time there, frequently surrounded by workers who have helped him get up there.
(And I'm starting to find his litter scattered all over the island. )
Planting is coming and we could use all hands in the fields, but the newcomer sits many days on his clifftop.

I begin to see signs that he will not last long.

A riot on the island

As I live here, I begin to see the character of the island in more depth.

On... Sunday... I guess, there was a riot in centre of the main town. It was dealt with quietly and calmly by the authorities in a marked manner, but I when I investigated the cause, it seems the cause is the influence of the mainland on the island itself.

These people are used to a carefree, independent lifestyle. If they weren't surrounded by ocean they would be nomads.

The main influences of the mainland that anger the islanders are: having to comply with mainland environmental standards, having to set aside large parts of the island for airports and seaports, and the fact that mainlander accomodations (including my house and whatever accommodation the Newcomer is using) inhibit their ability to build new homes and farm new lands.

I was concerned at my role in all this, and fear that the Bwana may give in to pressure from the islanders and ban all mainlanders from the island.

To mitigate this, I will attempt to live on the island, making as little impact as possible. This may keep the islanders from seeing me as part of the problem.

4 o'clock panic attack

Wherein the stealthy dog blogs through a panic attack:

My hands are cold.
The air smells like tin.
There's a little nucleus of hot heat on my sternum but my chest is ice cold.
My spine is curving forward ever so slightly.
There's no pain, just some tightness in the back of my legs
I can't take a deep breath
I force myself to breath deeply, the pain in my legs increases
My face gets hot as the blood flow returns to it
Each breath feels like I'm dragging the air up a flight of stairs
I feel dizzy and very very sleepy
My attention is all over the place, and I can't focus
Holding my breath is less work than breathing, but I force myself to breath
I can feel tears welling up, and a knot in my throat, but I hold them back and down
I try exhaling... maybe I need more CO2
I think it's over... I'm very hungry.

Elapsed time, 6 minutes.

Psalms

I have been working on a bit of a project to reduce 'Scripture' down to the actual quotes of Jesus Christ, on the naive assumption that what he said should sum up the whole and entirety of Christian dogma, and that all the rest is theory, history, and discussion. I feel the leftovers should be bundled separately and discussed separately as is the Talmud from the Torah as an example, and should not be taken as The Word Of God.

This is going along fine until...

The most important part of my life decides to take a train trip to shitville via crappertown, and in the midst of vainly attempting to buttress my brain and my patience and my dignity against the inevitable sheer-psychotic-anxiety-attack-blood-pressure moments involved in that... I run into the Psalms. BAM

The folks who wrote the psalms knew what they were talking about. My proof for that is that I cannot get through ONE of them without bursting into tears.

Psalm 116:

1 love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.

I am more acutely aware than ever of the wonderful people who have been participants in my life up to and at this point, and mayhaps they are God's response to my cry for mercy. "A slight reduction in sons-of-bitches, my lord," I quoth, and he respondeth.

2 Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.

Any of my wonderful friends (gifts from God, all) who doubt my faith, or who question it do not understand the depths of my gratitude for them. For ever and ever I will go to Him.

3 The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave [a] came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

Now let's be clear, I'm not dying, but I tell you I can feel the anguish of the grave upon me. The primitive base realization that I am well and truly in trouble, and paralyzed by terror of what is to come.

4 Then I called on the name of the LORD :
"O LORD, save me!"

I have called "save me" curled on the floor in my hallway. I have called it from my bed at 4:30 in the morning. I have called it in the snow. I have called it in my front stairway staring at the door. I have called it in theatres. I have called it more times than I can picture in my car. I have called it in public transit. I have called it in the sunshine.

5 The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.

And you know, he wasn't even mad, or disappointed in me.

6 The LORD protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.

This is my favourite verse so far... how terrifying to be simplehearted, and simpleminded... but what comfort to know I am protected. I need to hear that, and some long-dead Rabbi predicted my need.

7 Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.

I have worked with large animals for a number of years, and I see the great Hostler holding my halter and saying "easy... easy now... easy..." just as we did in thunderstorms, or surrounded by loud children or during harnessing.

24 hours pass

8 For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,

And my goodness he might yet... my eyes are freed from tears and my feet did not stumble. I still don't know where I'm going, but at least I'm getting there upright

9 that I may walk before the LORD
in the land of the living.

Not sit quietly and wait to die, then walk with Him. No, walk before Him now, like a soldier on parade.

10 I believed; therefore [b] I said,
"I am greatly afflicted."

Oh, don't I just believe that I am afflicted... and Lord, do I cry it

11 And in my dismay I said,
"All men are liars."

At this point, the whinging has reached critical volume... but Lo... he has heard me. This begs one question:

12 How can I repay the LORD
for all his goodness to me?

What favour can I do that will repay this, what gift can I give?

13 I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the LORD.

14 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people.

Wow... that seems to fit the bill completely. Not that I will sacrifice bulls and goats, but that I will show my gratitude always and in front of all people.

15 Precious in the sight of the LORD
is the death of his saints.

He saw my pain and he valued it. He saw my suffering and it mattered to him.

16 O LORD, truly I am your servant;
I am your servant, the son of your maidservant [c] ;
you have freed me from my chains.

17 I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
and call on the name of the LORD.

You my main man! You need anything, you let me know! An internal swelling of gratitude that eclipses the previous sorrow like moon would eclipse a flashlight.

18 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people,

19 in the courts of the house of the LORD—
in your midst, O Jerusalem.
Praise the LORD. [d]

Just so we're clear, this is my song of great gratitude, my song of great Thanksgiving.

Good news!

I've quit smoking again!

It only took one and half cigarettes this time.

Maybe I just need lots and lots of gum.

The prayer of the drunk

dear god
help me to remember what I remember when I am drunk
help me to remember to forget what I forget when I am drunk
help me to be who I am when I'm drunk


When I'm sober.

The Newcomer changes his mind

The Newcomer had a meeting with the bank on the island last night, and a friend, who works there, filled me in.

The Newcomer, worried about his mainland problems, has chosen not to move to the Island. He will continue to visit, but seeks only to stay in beachside hotels while he is here.

As I write those words I grow very angry.

I have moved here, given up all mainland aspirations, moved off the beach and into the inland areas. I no longer am greeted by the sun every morning when I rise, as he is. I am no longer bathed by the night winds while I sleep as he is.

Now, be it true, he does return to the mainland often, and there he can only see the island through his telescope, while I am surrounded always by its beauty.

Living inland is no great hurdle. I can walk when I like (during public hours) to the beach-head or the marina and fish... I can go to the glade every day if I choose and rest there.

But I envy him for the superficial beauty he gets to experience. He pays no taxes, he never shovels mud from the streets after a big rain, he never feels the frost of the wind as it howls down from the mountains. If he does, he can return to the mainland at his whim, returning to the island when the weather is better.

I call him weak, and I call him coward