Last night, the end of a good week on the island, the Bwana came to me.
I anticipated good news. I had held my temper, I had been warm and welcoming to the Newcomer and I had tended well to the Glade.
"Stealthy One", said the Bwana, "How are you?"
I said I was well, and pleased and satisfied.
No sooner were the words out of my mouth than all hell broke loose.
The Bwana berated me for my demands on their time and the fact that I had asked for islander pricing in the market (a place where I have seen the Newcomer given food)
He said I had ruined the Temple, sullied for everyone and that I refused to give the Newcomer enough room to live
I was forced to detail all the possible scenarios for my future, and any scenario that included me leaving the island was instantly thrown back at me as proof that I wished toi govern the island!
I have no desire to govern this island; I wish to be a resident here, no more than that.
When the Bwana denied that desire, swore that I would never be an islander, I stormed to the docks looking for a boat to hire... Luckily there was none
I stormed back to the village to find a fisherman to take me to the mainland and found some islander arguing with the Bwana.
The Bwana was slightly shocked that I would seek to leave, and I could not describe why i could not stay on the island if I were not treated as an equal islander to placate him
As I thought about it I could not explain, but I knew it to be true: if I did not live on the island as an islander I had to return to the mainland.
The villagers present talked me into staying for the night and an uneasy calm fell
In the morning as I hunted for game, the Bwana came to me and said,
"I am startled that you would try to paddle away in the dark like that. Please stay on the island. We need you for more than the glade's maintenance, you do bring value to our island... But do not argue with us again about the Newcomer.
I was silent, as I wished to hunt successfully, but nodded my assent.
Tonight I am on the ferry away from the island, we shall see what I find on my return.
28.3.08
Up and Down
27.3.08
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26.3.08
A nice day with the Newcomer
So the islanders hosted the festival of lights this evening, which I had not been able to attend for some time.
Interestingly, as it's a good way to meet the islanders, the Newcomer had attended often and so this was a time for him and I to meet on neutral ground with no stakes.
No discussions of what his plans are for the new areas he wants to build, no discussion of whether he will return to the mainland... just the natives doing their native dances and the usual fireworks.
A peaceful evening.
Interestingly, as it's a good way to meet the islanders, the Newcomer had attended often and so this was a time for him and I to meet on neutral ground with no stakes.
No discussions of what his plans are for the new areas he wants to build, no discussion of whether he will return to the mainland... just the natives doing their native dances and the usual fireworks.
A peaceful evening.
25.3.08
The volcano
The eruption on the neighbouring island continues to menace them and we continue to make plans for saving their glades, or possibly their Bwana, or possibly both.
All this on top of my current difficulties with the Bwana.
It is interesting that when discussing this very serious threat to another island, there seems to be no time for our own arguing over banana tariffs and port fees.
Hmmm... natural disaster do bring out the best in everyone, so I should not be surprised.
All this on top of my current difficulties with the Bwana.
It is interesting that when discussing this very serious threat to another island, there seems to be no time for our own arguing over banana tariffs and port fees.
Hmmm... natural disaster do bring out the best in everyone, so I should not be surprised.
Island living, continued.
The Bwana and I fought again on Sunday over the Newcomer, and my role.
"How long to expect to live in your house on this island?" he asked.
"All my life! I would not have moved here if I did not intend to stay my whole life."
"Why do you persist in doing the work that you do, and in trying to improve this island life?"
"Because I feel it is my duty"
That was a real watershed for me. I've given up the easy conveniences of mainland life for island life, and I have worked /most/ days as hard as I can to improve this island. If I am thrown off the island I will go proudly, knowing this to be true.
I'll be honest, I have not worked every day, and I have worked hardest when the Bwana is angry with me, as if to prove to him that I am worthy of praise. But I have worked a lot.
I think, looking back, that the islanders worked as hard as I did on these projects... the new quay, the shops... but they seemed to grow bored with them earlier than I did. The typical islander seems to bore quickly.
Anyway, after much arguing and fighting, so much that the island police came to see if everything was alright, the Bwana laid down the law.
"If you remain here, you will remain here as an equal with the Newcomer. We will construct a new house for him on the island where he may stay when he visits. We expect you to create a house for yourself on the mainland or on another island. That is all... begone!"
... then he invited me to Temple. But I forewent the privilege, as I believe he invited me only out of guilt at my grief over their rejection of me.
"How long to expect to live in your house on this island?" he asked.
"All my life! I would not have moved here if I did not intend to stay my whole life."
"Why do you persist in doing the work that you do, and in trying to improve this island life?"
"Because I feel it is my duty"
That was a real watershed for me. I've given up the easy conveniences of mainland life for island life, and I have worked /most/ days as hard as I can to improve this island. If I am thrown off the island I will go proudly, knowing this to be true.
I'll be honest, I have not worked every day, and I have worked hardest when the Bwana is angry with me, as if to prove to him that I am worthy of praise. But I have worked a lot.
I think, looking back, that the islanders worked as hard as I did on these projects... the new quay, the shops... but they seemed to grow bored with them earlier than I did. The typical islander seems to bore quickly.
Anyway, after much arguing and fighting, so much that the island police came to see if everything was alright, the Bwana laid down the law.
"If you remain here, you will remain here as an equal with the Newcomer. We will construct a new house for him on the island where he may stay when he visits. We expect you to create a house for yourself on the mainland or on another island. That is all... begone!"
... then he invited me to Temple. But I forewent the privilege, as I believe he invited me only out of guilt at my grief over their rejection of me.
20.3.08
A weekend away from the island
So I have been banished from the island for the weekend, and I am strangely fine...
The Newcomer has met with the Bwana and they are off discussing the new infrastructure projects under way.
I think, frankly, it's the beer talking, but I am fine.
I sit here in a cafe I've never frequented, slightly numb and buzzy, and wondering whether they're plotting bull-dozing my house. Is the Newcomer to be the new keeper of the Glade?
Yup, I'm drunk, 'cause I don't feel panicked at all.
I just can't help but feel that if I keep doing my jobs and working hard, the Bwana won't have any option but to see my worth and dismiss the Newcomer.
It can't help but work, right?
The Newcomer has met with the Bwana and they are off discussing the new infrastructure projects under way.
I think, frankly, it's the beer talking, but I am fine.
I sit here in a cafe I've never frequented, slightly numb and buzzy, and wondering whether they're plotting bull-dozing my house. Is the Newcomer to be the new keeper of the Glade?
Yup, I'm drunk, 'cause I don't feel panicked at all.
I just can't help but feel that if I keep doing my jobs and working hard, the Bwana won't have any option but to see my worth and dismiss the Newcomer.
It can't help but work, right?
19.3.08
A culture of garbage
A very brief doctoral thesis into North American Culture:
I start with a selection of definitions as stolen from Ifte Choudhury, Texas A&M University. I then slice them apart, looking for the material signs, or products, of a culture.
-- Culture refers to the cumulative deposit of knowledge, experience, beliefs, values, attitudes, meanings, hierarchies, religion, notions of time, roles, spatial relations, concepts of the universe, and material objects and possessions acquired by a group of people in the course of generations through individual and group striving.
On material objects acquired by a group: Mostly what we acquire, as a group in North America, is garbage. Currently we produce one garbage bag of garbage per person every 10 days.
On possessions: We use the word "disposable" as a positive. This razor is disposable! This diaper is disposable! This camera is disposable! The best part of my paycheque is my... disposable income! I must increase my... DISPOSABLE income!
-- Culture is the systems of knowledge shared by a relatively large group of people.
On knowledge: The great deal of our knowledge is disposable. The first knowledge I must use every morning is how to shut off my alarm clock. Of course, because my alarm clock is very old (VERY... almost TWO YEARS OLD!) I will soon have to learn to use a new alarm clock and dispose of my old knowledge. My son can name 150 different characters in a Japanese Kids' Show, but can't name all 13 provinces and territories.
-- Culture in its broadest sense is cultivated behavior; that is the totality of a person's learned, accumulated experience which is socially transmitted, or more briefly, behavior through social learning.
On cultivated behaviour: I went in to have my bicycle repaired. "That bike is too crappy to be repaired (obviously intended to be DISPOSABLE) let us sell you a new one..." Sadly, I fell for it and purchased a new bicycle for $25. It did not strike me as strange, because it was part of my cultivated behaviour. Similarly, our relationships are disposable, our jobs are disposable and ultimately, our lives.
-- Culture consists of patterns, explicit and implicit, of and for behavior acquired and transmitted by symbols, constituting the distinctive achievement of human groups, including their embodiments in artifacts; the essential core of culture consists of traditional ideas and especially their attached values; culture systems may, on the one hand, be considered as products of action, on the other hand, as conditioning influences upon further action.
On the embodiment of artifacts: There was a large debate here in 1990s about where to place our new art gallery. The old art gallery had become crowded and full, and a new one had to be constructed. Oh wait... that wasn't our art gallery, that was our dump. Our biggest (by size) legacy passed down to our children will be our garbage dumps...
Related: Why Toronto is so clean
I start with a selection of definitions as stolen from Ifte Choudhury, Texas A&M University. I then slice them apart, looking for the material signs, or products, of a culture.
-- Culture refers to the cumulative deposit of knowledge, experience, beliefs, values, attitudes, meanings, hierarchies, religion, notions of time, roles, spatial relations, concepts of the universe, and material objects and possessions acquired by a group of people in the course of generations through individual and group striving.
On material objects acquired by a group: Mostly what we acquire, as a group in North America, is garbage. Currently we produce one garbage bag of garbage per person every 10 days.
On possessions: We use the word "disposable" as a positive. This razor is disposable! This diaper is disposable! This camera is disposable! The best part of my paycheque is my... disposable income! I must increase my... DISPOSABLE income!
-- Culture is the systems of knowledge shared by a relatively large group of people.
On knowledge: The great deal of our knowledge is disposable. The first knowledge I must use every morning is how to shut off my alarm clock. Of course, because my alarm clock is very old (VERY... almost TWO YEARS OLD!) I will soon have to learn to use a new alarm clock and dispose of my old knowledge. My son can name 150 different characters in a Japanese Kids' Show, but can't name all 13 provinces and territories.
-- Culture in its broadest sense is cultivated behavior; that is the totality of a person's learned, accumulated experience which is socially transmitted, or more briefly, behavior through social learning.
On cultivated behaviour: I went in to have my bicycle repaired. "That bike is too crappy to be repaired (obviously intended to be DISPOSABLE) let us sell you a new one..." Sadly, I fell for it and purchased a new bicycle for $25. It did not strike me as strange, because it was part of my cultivated behaviour. Similarly, our relationships are disposable, our jobs are disposable and ultimately, our lives.
-- Culture consists of patterns, explicit and implicit, of and for behavior acquired and transmitted by symbols, constituting the distinctive achievement of human groups, including their embodiments in artifacts; the essential core of culture consists of traditional ideas and especially their attached values; culture systems may, on the one hand, be considered as products of action, on the other hand, as conditioning influences upon further action.
On the embodiment of artifacts: There was a large debate here in 1990s about where to place our new art gallery. The old art gallery had become crowded and full, and a new one had to be constructed. Oh wait... that wasn't our art gallery, that was our dump. Our biggest (by size) legacy passed down to our children will be our garbage dumps...
Related: Why Toronto is so clean
18.3.08
Shouting at the islanders
I have lost my temper with the islanders.
I discovered last night that access to the Temple is being withdrawn.
What is the Temple, you ask? For me it is a slightly bewildering place, but one of great beauty and calm, but always wild joy. When I had gone previously, I had become like a man who has drunk much wine, but lately, when I have gone, it has been closed to me and the Newcomer is inside, rollicking.
I asked the Bwana when I might be allowed to re-enter the Temple, and he said, "Never. The temples on other islands should sustain your spritiual growth, and you will find in them the answers you seek."
"But I have found those answers in this temple," I said, louder than I should have.
"But the priests feel that you expect to be allowed in, and they resent that"
"Am I not an islander, do not all others have access to the Temple?"
"All others may ask, but no, this is a closed templed"
Now I know that the temple has never turned anyone away. I pushed on, my voice growing louder.
"But what of the others who come? Why do they gain entry?"
"They gain entry, oh pushy one, because the head priests choose to give it to them. You, they have decided, must seek Temples elsewhere"
"But I do not wish this, this is my Temple! What evil have I committed to be barred thus? Have I not tended these grounds? Have I not evangelized to bring others to the Temple? Am I so evil?"
"No", said the Bwana "but still... this door is closed to you. Go elsewhere."
"But then I should leave, take up residence on another island with a Temple"
Here, to my great astonishment, the Bwana grew very angry
"IS THAT ALL WE ARE TO YOU? Is our temple all that draws you to our island? IF WE BAR YOU FROM THE TEMPLE FOR EVER YOU WILL ABANDON YOUR COMMITMENTS? WE WOULD NOT DO SO TO YOU!"
"But access to the Temple was part of what drew me to the Island. Whaty if other Temples reject me... can I return?"
"No, we will tend to you in the gardens, and ensure your home is ready for you, but the Temple is closed to you forever."
My desperation was growing.
"What if I am unable to travel to another island for Temple services, what if I am dying and require rites of purification before death"
"The temple is closed to you. What is more, I will be unable to discuss it with you over the next few days, as I am meeting with the Newcomer on urgent matters of residency on the Island, and his duties here."
"He- he- already has duties... a home has been chosen for him?" I asked, terrified of the answer.
The Bwana calmed, and told me, with sadness, of his conversations with the Newcomer...
I discovered last night that access to the Temple is being withdrawn.
What is the Temple, you ask? For me it is a slightly bewildering place, but one of great beauty and calm, but always wild joy. When I had gone previously, I had become like a man who has drunk much wine, but lately, when I have gone, it has been closed to me and the Newcomer is inside, rollicking.
I asked the Bwana when I might be allowed to re-enter the Temple, and he said, "Never. The temples on other islands should sustain your spritiual growth, and you will find in them the answers you seek."
"But I have found those answers in this temple," I said, louder than I should have.
"But the priests feel that you expect to be allowed in, and they resent that"
"Am I not an islander, do not all others have access to the Temple?"
"All others may ask, but no, this is a closed templed"
Now I know that the temple has never turned anyone away. I pushed on, my voice growing louder.
"But what of the others who come? Why do they gain entry?"
"They gain entry, oh pushy one, because the head priests choose to give it to them. You, they have decided, must seek Temples elsewhere"
"But I do not wish this, this is my Temple! What evil have I committed to be barred thus? Have I not tended these grounds? Have I not evangelized to bring others to the Temple? Am I so evil?"
"No", said the Bwana "but still... this door is closed to you. Go elsewhere."
"But then I should leave, take up residence on another island with a Temple"
Here, to my great astonishment, the Bwana grew very angry
"IS THAT ALL WE ARE TO YOU? Is our temple all that draws you to our island? IF WE BAR YOU FROM THE TEMPLE FOR EVER YOU WILL ABANDON YOUR COMMITMENTS? WE WOULD NOT DO SO TO YOU!"
"But access to the Temple was part of what drew me to the Island. Whaty if other Temples reject me... can I return?"
"No, we will tend to you in the gardens, and ensure your home is ready for you, but the Temple is closed to you forever."
My desperation was growing.
"What if I am unable to travel to another island for Temple services, what if I am dying and require rites of purification before death"
"The temple is closed to you. What is more, I will be unable to discuss it with you over the next few days, as I am meeting with the Newcomer on urgent matters of residency on the Island, and his duties here."
"He- he- already has duties... a home has been chosen for him?" I asked, terrified of the answer.
The Bwana calmed, and told me, with sadness, of his conversations with the Newcomer...
17.3.08
More about the Mainlander (who I call now the Newcomer)
"Bwana", I said, "You asked me here to do a job, for which you have paid me, handsomely, and I thank you for that. But now it seems you are hiring a new mainlander to take my place, for you have said to me that he possesses skills and knowledge that are needed for this island."
"But no, my friend", quoth the Bwana, "While the newcomer does have new skills and talents to benefit us all, you also have skills and talents that we need, and our need for those talents is not news to you, for we have often spoken, sometimes gently and sometimes as your employer, of our hope that you will develop these talents yourself."
"So I may keep my position, even if the newcomer lives on the island as well?"
"Of course. The Glade requires your care, for none has your expertise in botany or biology to maintain it as you do. Also, you are our expert in relations with the mainland, and the newcomer's relations with the mainland are suspect. You are also heavily involved with infrastructure planning, and the newcomer's skills in that area are unknown to us."
"But no, my friend", quoth the Bwana, "While the newcomer does have new skills and talents to benefit us all, you also have skills and talents that we need, and our need for those talents is not news to you, for we have often spoken, sometimes gently and sometimes as your employer, of our hope that you will develop these talents yourself."
"So I may keep my position, even if the newcomer lives on the island as well?"
"Of course. The Glade requires your care, for none has your expertise in botany or biology to maintain it as you do. Also, you are our expert in relations with the mainland, and the newcomer's relations with the mainland are suspect. You are also heavily involved with infrastructure planning, and the newcomer's skills in that area are unknown to us."
14.3.08
More island shenanigans
Well.
Here we are.
The worst looms on the horizon.
The Bwana has said they are reviewing my island residency. Apparently the new mainlander has better qualifications than I do, but my years of service are being recognized and considered and my residency may not be revoked.
The options, as I see them, are:
1) The Mainlander may be forced to return to the mainland. This may be inevitable, as he faces criminal charges and may be extradited
2) I will be sent back to the mainland and barred from the island. This would devastate me. I have built a good home here, and would miss the glade and the afternoons spent debating policy and legislation with the bwana
3) I may be moved in with the general population here, in the barrios, and the Mainlander will take my place. This would hurt, but may be in fact where I should be living, as the bwana has taken, recently, to treating me as a local, instead of a valued counsellor.
4) The Mainlander may move into the barrios and share duties of counselling the bwana with me.
If I have not stated it before, I should point out that I am not the only mainlander to set foot on this island. Even after I came to live here, mainlanders would visit and spend time with the bwana. At those times, I was happiest relegated to the glade where I could work on my hedges and trimmings.
Here we are.
The worst looms on the horizon.
The Bwana has said they are reviewing my island residency. Apparently the new mainlander has better qualifications than I do, but my years of service are being recognized and considered and my residency may not be revoked.
The options, as I see them, are:
1) The Mainlander may be forced to return to the mainland. This may be inevitable, as he faces criminal charges and may be extradited
2) I will be sent back to the mainland and barred from the island. This would devastate me. I have built a good home here, and would miss the glade and the afternoons spent debating policy and legislation with the bwana
3) I may be moved in with the general population here, in the barrios, and the Mainlander will take my place. This would hurt, but may be in fact where I should be living, as the bwana has taken, recently, to treating me as a local, instead of a valued counsellor.
4) The Mainlander may move into the barrios and share duties of counselling the bwana with me.
If I have not stated it before, I should point out that I am not the only mainlander to set foot on this island. Even after I came to live here, mainlanders would visit and spend time with the bwana. At those times, I was happiest relegated to the glade where I could work on my hedges and trimmings.
12.3.08
Two words
Naive: simple, unaffected, unsuspecting, artless, guileless, candid, open, plain. Now I am certainly this. Unsuspecting... all too often. Simple... annoyingly so. Artless... the sopranos will aver it to the skies. Open... maybe not so much open.
Amateur: This is probably my favourite word. I use it with relish, enjoying it as a designation for my favourite activities. I am an amateur singer, I say. I am an amateur environmentalist, an amateur cyclist. For me it means 'one who does something for the love of it'
So let all be told
I wish to be known as the
Naive Amateur
Amateur: This is probably my favourite word. I use it with relish, enjoying it as a designation for my favourite activities. I am an amateur singer, I say. I am an amateur environmentalist, an amateur cyclist. For me it means 'one who does something for the love of it'
So let all be told
I wish to be known as the
Naive Amateur
10.3.08
A new arrival
So I have had a long talk with the Bwana about this mainlander whose arrival resulted in the cancellation of the ferry.
"Effendi", he said, "Maybe this mainlander will come and live on our island as well, so we think he has many talents that you do not, and will bring peace and prosperity"
My first thought of course was that I'd give him peace and propserity right up-side the head if he messed with the island but then...
... I began in fact to feel quite calm about the idea. I don't know why, as I have every reason to dislike this. This Mainlander takes a lot of the Bwana's time in consultation and meetings, he has disrupted ferry service, he is bright enough to do all the jobs I do with mastery, I suspect... but still I feel calmer.
Is this related to the fact that the ferry did in fact operate, and I toured a lovely island on the weekend where I was well received, soothing my tired soul?
Is it related to the fact that the Bwana has also said that this Mainlander is much like myself?
Is it because the Glade has flourished lately and shows great promise?
Is it because I hear rumours that the Government may force him to move to another island in time, and that his stay here is temporary?
Is it because the islanders, and the Bwana, see me as one of them, and it behooves me to be as excited as them about this arrival and the benefits he brings?
Why do I not fear this Mainlander? He may throw me out of my house, and drive me into the surf to drown. He may find better ways to tend the Glade and leave me unable to assist in its growth.
Do I dare to go to the Bwana and say "He must be bringing benefit, so let us make him one of us?"
Do I dare to say to them "I am no longer a mainlander, I am an islander, and seek what the others seek" and dare to bow to the will of the Bwana? Would I lose myself?
Do I dare show that much trust in the islanders? Will I be pushed in to the sea?
"Effendi", he said, "Maybe this mainlander will come and live on our island as well, so we think he has many talents that you do not, and will bring peace and prosperity"
My first thought of course was that I'd give him peace and propserity right up-side the head if he messed with the island but then...
... I began in fact to feel quite calm about the idea. I don't know why, as I have every reason to dislike this. This Mainlander takes a lot of the Bwana's time in consultation and meetings, he has disrupted ferry service, he is bright enough to do all the jobs I do with mastery, I suspect... but still I feel calmer.
Is this related to the fact that the ferry did in fact operate, and I toured a lovely island on the weekend where I was well received, soothing my tired soul?
Is it related to the fact that the Bwana has also said that this Mainlander is much like myself?
Is it because the Glade has flourished lately and shows great promise?
Is it because I hear rumours that the Government may force him to move to another island in time, and that his stay here is temporary?
Is it because the islanders, and the Bwana, see me as one of them, and it behooves me to be as excited as them about this arrival and the benefits he brings?
Why do I not fear this Mainlander? He may throw me out of my house, and drive me into the surf to drown. He may find better ways to tend the Glade and leave me unable to assist in its growth.
Do I dare to go to the Bwana and say "He must be bringing benefit, so let us make him one of us?"
Do I dare to say to them "I am no longer a mainlander, I am an islander, and seek what the others seek" and dare to bow to the will of the Bwana? Would I lose myself?
Do I dare show that much trust in the islanders? Will I be pushed in to the sea?
3.3.08
trapped on the island
I've just been informed they've canceled the damn ferry again.
I only ask them to run the ferry once a week guaranteed (and let's be honest, sometimes it does run 2 or 3 times a week) but tonight I'm informed that because of the new Mainlander wanting to meet with the Ferryman, there's no ferry on Friday or Saturday.
So, churlishly, I said I would spend the weekend tending the glade.
"Oh no, effendi", they say "we have arranged a grounds keeper so that you do not have to work on the weekend"
Yes, well then I'm trapped on the island and bored you primitive jerks.
Some days living in paradise isn't worth the trouble.
Now, let truth be told... on Saturday last, when the ferry was running, I actually rented a house on another island altogether and slept there. The first time I've slept off the island in 5 years. Very strange experience, and, to be honest, not one I look to repeat.
Some days, despite the trouble, I wouldn't live anywhere else.
I only ask them to run the ferry once a week guaranteed (and let's be honest, sometimes it does run 2 or 3 times a week) but tonight I'm informed that because of the new Mainlander wanting to meet with the Ferryman, there's no ferry on Friday or Saturday.
So, churlishly, I said I would spend the weekend tending the glade.
"Oh no, effendi", they say "we have arranged a grounds keeper so that you do not have to work on the weekend"
Yes, well then I'm trapped on the island and bored you primitive jerks.
Some days living in paradise isn't worth the trouble.
Now, let truth be told... on Saturday last, when the ferry was running, I actually rented a house on another island altogether and slept there. The first time I've slept off the island in 5 years. Very strange experience, and, to be honest, not one I look to repeat.
Some days, despite the trouble, I wouldn't live anywhere else.
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