A bit of hither and yon

The Peanuts are in great shape, and sassy as sass monsters, and all seems well and ready to roll for Xmas at our house.

I think _I_ am ready for Xmas, I think?

There's a thing at work, where money is tight, and I'm stopping being slow, because my joy in my work came from getting things done, and I'm not doing a lot of that.

I used to get a jump out of _solving_ problems, and I don't seem to be able to do that these days with people being so cautious to do anything.

It feels like one of those moments where we can, with some effort, push forward hard into a new way of doing things.

Peanut #2

So Peanut #2 is a very energetic young child, and this has started to cause some minor issues:

1) She cannot concentrate for long, often. But she can, sometimes.
2) She cannot. stop. talking. for. 10. seconds. This is causing some stress in the school system.
3) The combination of not concentrating and not shutting up is making it difficult to teach things.

So I shall approach this in the Familial Way: I shall read to her, and only her thank you very much Peanut #1 get out of our faces please, on her own, every night, so that she gets used to sitting and absorbing. And we may even keep track of her siting and concentrating and reward her accordingly.

Xmas busyness

So far so good with not hating Christmas! Yay!

We had a lovely morning yesterday all at home together, like domestic bliss. It was cool! Then we got crazy super busy again, as we do. But the morning was super.

It becomes... it becomes a challenge to our commitment to Church, unfortunately.

Because it is our _only_ unencumbered family time... .well, ok, maybe Sunday afternoons. But those are also prime errand times.

Anyway, it was nice, and I've bought some essential Christmas presents and not hated humanity and that's all good.

Dance break!

Ok, I realized that to achieve my goal of dancing in 5 years, I need to dance 4 hours a week.
That's a lot!

Ok, the other thing is that I watched the Peanuts' dance classes today, and that's literally the level of dance instruction I need to do.

I wonder if there's "little kids dance class for grownups"

From this time last year:

"So one of the behaviours I am attempting to extinct in myself is losing my temper. I mean, sometimes you gotta yell at your kids, right, sure, but I always want to make sure that  I am in control of when I do that, and sometimes I'm not. So I'm off to fix that.

But.. as I work to decrease the number of times I have a dad-tantrum, I find that I am, generally, grumpier. My peaks of anger have decreased, but my baseline is higher.  I mean, it could also be that I'm _exhausted_, which is a reasonable other variable that explain this.  But work shall continue."

I am now in much better shape, generally speaking. My temper is better, and my baseline is lower.

The key mantra is "I do not have to lower myself to the level of people who are angry with me (children, I'm looking at you...)" so I am getting better at managing my response to things.

A fall reflection

Well, here we are... another week gone by.

My self-regulation / self-care routine has been doing better, although my energy is still not where it should be, it's better.

We're having a bit of a house argument, but that's ok, it's nothing serious. And with a holiday coming up then it's a bit of a break for everyone, and maybe enough of us will have the day off that we can get a lot done!

I may actually need to re-roof my garage tomorrow with a private day off that I have

I mean, it just needs enough to get it through the winter.

Time away in the mountains

We went running!

We went walking!

We had a brief memorial for a friend's dad who died and there was no money in the family for a funeral.

It was very nice, and was a nice break. I actually felt like I was away from work, which was nice.

Self-care again

Yah, ok, it's a theme, whatever.

Anyway, THIS week has been much better for self-care and routine and getting done what needs what get done.

I have had a good break from my phone from time to time, and that's maybe a help, but honestly I couldn't tell you what has changed this week from the last one.

Weather?  Not having a laptop at home? Being more caught-up at work and therefore less stressed at home?

Not sure...

More self-care trouble

I mean, it's not a crisis, but man, it's hard to keep on top of this one, when the other parts of life start to struggle.

But I have the afternoon off, so I hope to get back on the housework routine, and that I hope will re-centre me in my happy routine.

Check back in 24 hours!

*** 24 hours later: It went ok! Kept everything mostly under control and took care of me too

Parental questions

I suppose every parent wonders: Am I raising a Psychopath?

Peanut #1 has been kicking our asses after school, especially around dinner time, all week.  I mean, it's probably restraint failure, it's probably us trying to... wait, why the hell are we trying to feed her at this time? I think it's making her crazy with rushed pressure.

Maybe we need to focus on the pause and recharge steps of the day...

Anyway, of course she's not a psycho, but she is a very strong-willed hard-working child whose brain is just done by that time of day.

Just. Done.

So busy....

Work is in an interesting place right now: for some reason we seem to be insanely busy and it's Not. Getting. Better.

There is starting to exceed even my not-for-profit-association honed time management skills.

And I may be freaking out.

Today is not a great brain day.

You know where impostor syndrome comes from? The knowledge that there is one Common factor in every failure in your life: you.

Also, my house is the loudest place in creation. Literally the loudest

Anonymous griping

Listen, if you bemoan your lack of assistance with your kids, don't act like you're doing me a favour when I ask if you'd like some help.

Being sick

The worst part of being sick is that sense that your body has completely ceased to function in any predictable way, but you get to find out where your cats spend the night

tl/dr, barfed in middle of night, lost hour of sleep, found out that cats both snuggle me at night while I'm asleep and don't know it

Self-control

I am pretty focused on my health these days, and so I'm tracking all the good things that I want to encourage and the bad things I don't.

But man, there is no middle ground. It's either totally under control and doing awesome, or ROCKSTAR LIFESTYLE.

That's a bit disconcerting, especially when the ROCKSTAR LIFESTYLE happens the first week of school and I get lost in my own kitchen because I'm so tired.

Nothing new!

Like there is literally nothing new happening

Uh.  I drink a little less. That's good? My kids are cute. That's good?

Things at home are good and stable, and like all good, I guess?  Work is busy, that's fun, and everybody is a little better today than they were yesterday.

So... uh... yay!


Also, I forgot to click publish on this one a week ago, so... NOPE, still all the same.

The Peanuts start school in a week, so there's that.

Hey, have I talked about the Wayne Gretzky problem? No?
Well ok...

My wife is a terrible meal maker. I mean, she's a good _cook_ but in terms of actually getting a meal on the table she is... not great. Everything is varied in temperature and arrival time. Her favourite thing is to cook all the food in advance and then... put it out cold. I kid you not.

She also likes to make 100x more food than we need. Last night was 10 hotdogs and 8 shishkebobs and gnocchi and cabbage and vegetables and salad for 4 adults and 3 chlidren.


And her kitchen cleaning skills are... more or less spray everything with vinegar and pile it up.

BUT.... Wayne Gretzky.  Maybe Wayne Gretzky is a shitty cook, and I bet he can't clean the kitchen.

But can you imagine that that matters for even 10 seconds? He's freakin' Wayne Gretzky. I bet when Janet G looks at a mess he left, she's all "Well... he's still the Great One"

My wife is the Great One, she's amazing in so many things that are way so more important than whether your dinner is warm, that it doesn't matter.

So if you ever see me taking cutlery out of the coffee cups on the top shelf of the dishwasher and re-running it with soap in it this time while muttering "Wayne Gretzky" under my breath, well now you'll know why

Socialite lifestyle...

We've had 4 parties in a week.

I'm tired, out of laundry, and the fridge is full.

But it's a good time.

All of a sudden....

.... The perfect summer.

Peanut #1 is doing great in her hockey camp, which is a MASSIVE relief. I actually had like stress dreams about it because it's the first thing we've put her in that we know she can't do yet. And she couldn't! But she loves it, and now, by gum, she can do it. She can skate and handle the puck. Like a normal 6 year old. And most crucially, she _enjoyed_ it. She didn't get bullied, she didn't get hurt, no one was mean to her...

Peanut #2 is suddenly picking up reading, which is a huge relief, as she starts kindergarten in the fall 10 months earlier than Peanut #1 did, so we're tempering our expectations about how well she'll do, but the reading will help!  We've also had / will have two weeks with her where she is the only kid, so she's benefitting a lot from that.

The Project Manager and I are suddenly filled with domestic energy and getting things done around here... the main thing to do yet is the ceilings of the main floor, but those we want to wait on until we repaint, officially.

My creative energy is way up, which is nice, and work is.... well work is nuts and we're shortstaffed and stuff isn't getting done. BUT. I had a good meeting with Boss Man yesterday and he found me some resources!

Doing something nice!

So the Project Manager and I have a new project, and that's fun! We are focused on the fun, and the joy, and the HOORAY of it all.

And some folk are NOT FOCUSED ON FUN.

They are focused on "what kind of fun will it be, will it be the right kind of fun?"

So being conservative is a good thing; you ask probing questions that challenge progressive assumptions, and that's a good process to go through.

But being a reactionary means that everything new is bad, even with answers from progressives to the valid questions.

Conservatism is caution, reactionary is angry.

Pushing on through pushing on through

A few more days, and then there's a bit of a break!

But hooo boy it's been a grind a bit.

Work is madness, the house is more or less a disaster, but hey.. . at least we're getting through the summer camps madness!

Peanut #1 is in one million day camps and is having an hilarious time and sleeping great, and Peanut #2 is getting ready for kindergarten.  We haven't actually done any work to GET her ready, but.. you know.. s'all good.  I think.

Energy

I am tired!

And behind on everything.

So it's hard to get started. But I gots ta. Maybe next week?

Another trigger for grumpy daddy... slamming doors

It occurred to me that I need a whole new skillset here, because I suspect that the slamming doors phase of our lives is juuuuuuuuuuust getting started...

I worry, genuinely, about my ability to handle it.

Busy!

I am crashing through work today, trying to get as much done as possible.

I am pushing hard on this, and there' smore to do at home, so it's all poewr to the forward thrusters.

One goal for today: take things OFF my plate at work. Like, STOP doing things.

Self-care coming along!

I am getting better!

Less smokey, more runny, and MORE BIKEY!!!

We are back into our bike routine, which is so awesome...

Also we had to put 2K into the car this week for new struts, so, ouch.  But that's ok, the car is 15 years old and owes us nothing, so it's an okay thing to spend on as it will likely get us another couple of years of driving out of it.

Work is overwhelming at this point, with HR BS to deal with and trying to keep the ship upright in the face of budget pressure, work pressure, and some very serious imminent risk that we don't have enough power to resolve.

I find I"m getting angrier at work, all the time, and I need to practice the NOT ANGRY parts of my personality at work before I flame out.  Is burn out symptomed by being super testy and volatile? probably.

oof,

I'm DEEPLY out of my fitness regime, and this needs to get fixed fast... or should that be fixed "fat"?

My self-care routine is totally shot, BUT.... at least I wrote it down so that I know what I'm supposed to be achieving, so there's that.

Patience Progress

Well!

I am a much more patient person since my bike trip!

I hope this lasts.

I haven't yelled, or nothing, since then.

And that thing where you count down to make your kids do things? When I get to zero, we just count down again, and THAT works.

BIKE TRIP

Wheeeeee! By this time next week I'll be in Austin, getting ready to bike to New Orleans!

This is good fun.  Yup, that's about it!

No, seriously though, it's really exciting, but there's other stuff:

1) the war to take back our space from our stuff continues, and I think we're winning. A box of crap out every week....

2) If I can get through dinner time and the Peanuts' bed time, I'm good to go to almost midnight. Bam. All the energy!

3) My drinking is down. Like way down.  This is good

4) Spring is here in Prairie Metropolis, and that's lovely. Dirty and mucky but lovely.

5) I like running. I'm pretty good at it.

6) Social media sucks balls so hard, but it's where I put all the pictures of my cute kids, and it's where I see my friends.

7) My super nerdy thing that I loved to do that was awesome and then got super toxic and I hated it so bad might be coming back under my control again.... Stay Tuned...

Kindergarten... report cards?

So Peanut #1 got her first report card ever, and it was perfect. Like 100% As. (well, actually, 4s, but you know what I mean)

And she is over the moon, like incandescent with joy. So apparently we're raising a little Lisa Simpson.

Spring is here!

Prairie Metropolis is full of warmer temperatures and it's all lovely out there!

I have continued to run, and a had a lovely meeting with my chiropractor yesterday where he figured out that I have some bursitis in my knee, NOT a miniscal tear, which is nice and comforting.

My big bike trip is three weeks away, and I need to get ready for that, and prep that the whole family is ready for my absence, in particular Peanut #1 who loves to wrassle with the Project Manager while I'm not there, so I'm trying to instill some good _habits_ in her, like getting her clothes on by herself, and managing her own emotions etc.

She is so ... me.... at that age....

Well I was gonna blog a blase blog of blathering but then...

I found out that a friend of mine that I dated briefly had passed away (the tacit understanding being that she killed herself) and that should be unpacked a bit?

I'm a wee bit numb to it, as she had struggled for some time, and to varying degrees, and boy, if you needed someone alienated she was your girl.

She was brilliant and creative and aggressive and maybe autistic or pathologically introverted?  I'm not sure that there was anyone in her life, particularly, at all at the very end?

Ah well, I shall miss her a little bit in that way that I miss all my friends who are too far away from me.

Very little of note...

Let's see, where are we at?

Our war on our stuff continues, well, I think?

Our children are doing well, and Peanut #2's language is improving and she's getting some of the one on one she needs to be close to her sister's ability...

Ooh, the Project Manager and I had a great evening last night in our new crafting space in the basement; she with her sewing, and I with my 3d printing. And also with some video games
:)

At war with our stuff

There was almost a fight between the Project Manager and I yesterday about vacuum cleaners.

I say "almost" because I was able to navigate myself between the shoals of fight-dom and land on the beach of "contructive talk-island"

And THAT was awesome... we were able to settle on a joint feeling that we are at war with our own possessions.

They encroach on us, invade into our space, and push us around, often literally and physically.

Some of it is toys... some of it is... books, some of it is old furniture.

Ok, so what if I took a chunk out of our toys, and that freed up enough space in our living room to put our books, which let me get rid of the white bookcase that is kinda crappy? Or the top of it? I could get rid of just the bad top of it...

Then there's the kitchen to get rid of. But that's mostly ok.

Oh, then also, a friend laughed at me and said he's always thought of the Project Manager and I as models of of spartan living.

So that was also comforting.

A thing that makes me grumpy, ergo I might be a bad person.

I am very grumped with a facebook friend of mine who is a desperate state, with impending homelessness and no family supports, and autism.

Ok, why is the last one important? Because he is an asshole, and he blames it on his autism.

He was perfectly capable of messaging me and demanding I take him out for coffee on the weekend, but somehow magically incapable of e-mailing the government and demanding more money for an emergency loan.

So I am angry, and it's kinda generalized to being angry at the mental illnesses of all my friends (99.9% of whom are not assholes even when ill) and at how those illnesses place demands on the friends of my friends.

And yes, I know, they're brutal to live with as the person, and that's why I'm pretty sure I'm in the wrong on this one. It is not allowed to be mad at an illness for the effects of the illness on others.

Well, ok, wait, maybe it is, if I'm also mad at the illness for the effects it has on its bearer.

Ok, I can square that, I think.

Also, depression and anxiety lie, remember that.

Easy times...

*Note, not one word of this is to construed as anything but undying love for my wife*

I am on my own for the weekend, with the Peanuts, while the Project Manager is in Europe for two days (BWAHAHAHAHAHA) to work. (Yes, that's as much flying time as time in actual Europe)

And I know it will be super relaxed.

But why?

Well, I am 100% in charge of everything.  I know, and can decide, every thing that will happen between now and Monday night.

Everything I put down will be where I left it.

I can eat what I choose, when I choose!

Isn't THAT interesting...

Measurement is Management!

So I'm tracking all these health indicators, and BY GEORGE they're all getting better!

Patience management continues to be a bit of a bear, but it's coming along!

Weight is down, flossing is up, it's good!

A quick Peanut update

On Wednesdays, because I am gaming and The Project Manager is at rehearsal, the Peanuts spend dinner with their grandparents and then come home late.

I shoosh them upstairs to get themselves ready for bed so they can read. Ideally.

And by jove last night it worked.

2 peanuts with teeth brushed
2 peanuts sorta kinda into PJs
2 peanuts reading until... well I don't know when because I wasn't there when they eventually turned out their light and went to bed.

The best part though, the best part, was that at one point I heard them have a fight... and then they stopped it, and figured it out, and went back to reading.

<3 p="">

A gentle blend of chaos and order...

Every day a little better and a little farther!

We live such good lives, we're lucky.

I think this Blog Post had a point when I wrote the title, and now I've forgotten what it was. Dang.

Oh well!

Basically we live the life today that we are likely to live for at least the next 5 years. What do you call that? Homeostasis? 

Whoa, that's an interesting thought. Basically, our lives in 2024 could look exactly like they look today. I mean, we could even be driving the same car.

That doesn't scare me, but should it? I worry that it should scare me. But then I worry that it doesn't scare me.

Xmas all done

Ok, I mean, there's actually a couple of days left, but we're all back into our routines now, so there's that.

I got amazing presents for Xmas, and it wa sa great time.

I got a 3d printer, so that's going to be amazing fun when we get our basement back and it's transformed into the wonder shop... ooh good name for it!

I have so many ideas about what to print, and it's going to be so much fun!

We're on a-- ok, I'm on a showbiz break until summer, and we just need to get through the next transition to school days as per normal!

Literally, January could be an entirely routine month.  That would not suck.

Huh.