31.10.08
28.10.08
Interesting words from Michael Bader
"As I show both in Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies, and in my new book, Male Sexuality: Why Women Don't Understand It -- and Men Don't Either, the male libido is neither more powerful than that of women, nor can it be adequately explained through trite generalizations about the cruelty of men under patriarchy. Instead, sexual arousal for both men and women depends on one thing -- the momentary elimination of feelings and beliefs that inhibit it.
Our psyches have to contend with all sorts of threats to sexual excitement. We can't get aroused if we're too guilty about hurting the other, or too worried about him or her. We can't get turned on if we're feeling rejected, inferior, damaged, or helpless. All of us feel these things at some point or another, the mix and intensity of which depend on our particular histories. It turns out, for example, that both male and female desire gets shut down when guilt and worry squelches the capacity for selfishness and aggressiveness. Good and healthy sex requires not only affection and love, but also the capacity to not worry about one's partner, to "let go" with selfish abandon. I've had dozens of men and women who have consulted me about sexual boredom say some version of, "I wish s/he would just throw me on the bed and fuck me!" So-called "lesbian bed-death" often results from just such an inability of the partners to feel selfish, separate, and aggressive enough to "use" each other in a pleasurable way. The sexual ideal of two people lovingly gazing into each other's eyes is belied by powerful needs for something more out-of-control, perhaps forceful, and transgressive. As Woody Allen said: "If sex isn't dirty, you're not doing it right!""
From Alternet
Our psyches have to contend with all sorts of threats to sexual excitement. We can't get aroused if we're too guilty about hurting the other, or too worried about him or her. We can't get turned on if we're feeling rejected, inferior, damaged, or helpless. All of us feel these things at some point or another, the mix and intensity of which depend on our particular histories. It turns out, for example, that both male and female desire gets shut down when guilt and worry squelches the capacity for selfishness and aggressiveness. Good and healthy sex requires not only affection and love, but also the capacity to not worry about one's partner, to "let go" with selfish abandon. I've had dozens of men and women who have consulted me about sexual boredom say some version of, "I wish s/he would just throw me on the bed and fuck me!" So-called "lesbian bed-death" often results from just such an inability of the partners to feel selfish, separate, and aggressive enough to "use" each other in a pleasurable way. The sexual ideal of two people lovingly gazing into each other's eyes is belied by powerful needs for something more out-of-control, perhaps forceful, and transgressive. As Woody Allen said: "If sex isn't dirty, you're not doing it right!""
From Alternet
27.10.08
23.10.08
Why type something twice?
9:47pmJill
is the beer tasty?
9:47pmAdam
sadly.... I"m out
:(:(
9:48pmJill
that is sad. flaw in the plan of relaxing after chores...
there's beer in my fridge...
and I don't actually really know why...
9:48pmAdam
/shakes fist
9:49pmJill
since I've had three beers in my entire life...
9:50pmAdam
well that' swhy you still have some left!
9:50pmJill
but it's not like it's old beer--i've only been here for a couple of months
but i'm fairy sure that it's not *good* beer....
9:52pmAdam
gotcha
9:57pmJill
what was this fabulous chore that let you play with both saws (and not lose a digit)?
9:57pmAdam
It was finishing the little fiddly bits of railing between the spindles in The Boy's railing. I need to find some 1" dowel and then it'll be ready to paint.
That will be awesome
9:59pmJill
a project almost complete...that must be kinda exciting....
9:59pmAdam
Yeah... I had lofty plans to finish the trim inhis room, then misplaced a bunch of teh supplies for it, so that's been delayed until I drag my butt to the Home Depot
9:59pmJill
and The Boy must be excited at the prospect of his room (area) finally being done.
10:00pmAdam
I think so... it's been waaaaay too long
10:00pmJill
I too must venture into one of those scary places. I need a new baseboard in the bathroom and some caulking for mike and then all of the other little piddly stuff that adds up...
how long have you been renovating now?
10:00pmAdam
I cannot wait to be out of debt so that I can start saving up for these big projects and doing them all at once as opposed to doing them indribs and drabs as I can afford it
since 02
10:00pmJill
holy crap that's a long time
what big projects do you have left?
10:03pmAdam
Sending:
ummm... (poo, my cat stinks) Walls and ceiling and flooring in the master bedroom, walls, floor and door in the spare room, door, floor ceiling tub and vanity in the bathroom, railing in the stairwell, walls and trim in the hallway the whole kitchen, wall trim in the front room, the whole back room, shower stall and re-plumb the downstairs bathroom, an above-ground pond, walk-way, bench and arbor in the back yard and put in a new beam.
is the beer tasty?
9:47pmAdam
sadly.... I"m out
:(:(
9:48pmJill
that is sad. flaw in the plan of relaxing after chores...
there's beer in my fridge...
and I don't actually really know why...
9:48pmAdam
/shakes fist
9:49pmJill
since I've had three beers in my entire life...
9:50pmAdam
well that' swhy you still have some left!
9:50pmJill
but it's not like it's old beer--i've only been here for a couple of months
but i'm fairy sure that it's not *good* beer....
9:52pmAdam
gotcha
9:57pmJill
what was this fabulous chore that let you play with both saws (and not lose a digit)?
9:57pmAdam
It was finishing the little fiddly bits of railing between the spindles in The Boy's railing. I need to find some 1" dowel and then it'll be ready to paint.
That will be awesome
9:59pmJill
a project almost complete...that must be kinda exciting....
9:59pmAdam
Yeah... I had lofty plans to finish the trim inhis room, then misplaced a bunch of teh supplies for it, so that's been delayed until I drag my butt to the Home Depot
9:59pmJill
and The Boy must be excited at the prospect of his room (area) finally being done.
10:00pmAdam
I think so... it's been waaaaay too long
10:00pmJill
I too must venture into one of those scary places. I need a new baseboard in the bathroom and some caulking for mike and then all of the other little piddly stuff that adds up...
how long have you been renovating now?
10:00pmAdam
I cannot wait to be out of debt so that I can start saving up for these big projects and doing them all at once as opposed to doing them indribs and drabs as I can afford it
since 02
10:00pmJill
holy crap that's a long time
what big projects do you have left?
10:03pmAdam
Sending:
ummm... (poo, my cat stinks) Walls and ceiling and flooring in the master bedroom, walls, floor and door in the spare room, door, floor ceiling tub and vanity in the bathroom, railing in the stairwell, walls and trim in the hallway the whole kitchen, wall trim in the front room, the whole back room, shower stall and re-plumb the downstairs bathroom, an above-ground pond, walk-way, bench and arbor in the back yard and put in a new beam.
22.10.08
50 years ago tomorrow.
The bump spread as three distinct shock waves, resembling a small earthquake throughout the region, alerting residents on the surface for a wide area to the disaster. Draeger teams and teams of barefaced miners entered the No. 2 colliery to begin the rescue effort. The rescue teams encountered survivors at the 13,400 foot level walking or limping toward the surface. Gas released by the bump was encountered in increasing concentrations at the 13,800 foot level where the ceiling had collapsed and rescuers were forced to work down shafts that were in partial state of collapse or were blocked completely by debris.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Springhill_Mining_Disaster
21.10.08
Avert your eyes, they're taking on other forms!
2 things:
Powell endorsed Obama 'cause he's not a republican, and he feels guilty, and thinks that the republican party should be left-wing.
And US troops support McCain 3-1. In this survey... this unscientific survey...
Powell endorsed Obama 'cause he's not a republican, and he feels guilty, and thinks that the republican party should be left-wing.
And US troops support McCain 3-1. In this survey... this unscientific survey...
20.10.08
My cup runneth over.
My soup is a success. Woot!
My mortgage payments have gone down. Woot woot!!
My cheque for my medical bills came in, which means the second one likely will as well! Woot woot woot!!!
There's a vacancy at work I would be AWESOME at! Woot Woot Woot Woot!!!!
The Boy is here for the night! Woot^2
Pretty much we're doing this around the place.
UPDATE: And it turns out that thanks to the joint benefits that are still in effect... my medical is 100% reimbursed!
Now we're doing this:
My mortgage payments have gone down. Woot woot!!
My cheque for my medical bills came in, which means the second one likely will as well! Woot woot woot!!!
There's a vacancy at work I would be AWESOME at! Woot Woot Woot Woot!!!!
The Boy is here for the night! Woot^2
Pretty much we're doing this around the place.
UPDATE: And it turns out that thanks to the joint benefits that are still in effect... my medical is 100% reimbursed!
Now we're doing this:
Sleeping puppies
Ever notice how calm those puppies are up there? All sleeping and sedate? Lucky puppies.
I haven't yelled at anybody today at work... I might before the day is out, but they'll deserve it, so it will be okay. I get to leave in two hours, that's nice.
I have discovered Groove Coverage. Addicted.
I have a brain massaging appointment this afternoon... that's always fun!
The political situation in the states is UGLY UGLY UGLY. When Colin Powell is being slammed by the Republican Party no good can come of it. I wonder if they've forgotten what he did for them.
I think Edmonton needs an anti-idlign bylaw. I do understand the need to idle your car for a bit when it's COLD. That's NOT +3. +3 is not cold.
There is a mysterious odour in the kitchen I can't place.
Enough rambling.
UPDATE: One last ramble: Traditional Marriage is NOT the foundation of Canada or the United States. That's just a stupid thing to say.
I haven't yelled at anybody today at work... I might before the day is out, but they'll deserve it, so it will be okay. I get to leave in two hours, that's nice.
I have discovered Groove Coverage. Addicted.
I have a brain massaging appointment this afternoon... that's always fun!
The political situation in the states is UGLY UGLY UGLY. When Colin Powell is being slammed by the Republican Party no good can come of it. I wonder if they've forgotten what he did for them.
I think Edmonton needs an anti-idlign bylaw. I do understand the need to idle your car for a bit when it's COLD. That's NOT +3. +3 is not cold.
There is a mysterious odour in the kitchen I can't place.
Enough rambling.
UPDATE: One last ramble: Traditional Marriage is NOT the foundation of Canada or the United States. That's just a stupid thing to say.
16.10.08
Election
Well.
This is strictly a token blog to say that I voted! So did some other people! Some.
Lowest turnout in a federal election. That's embarrassing.
NDP broke the blue wall in Alberta. That's encouraging.
The Green Party got 6.8% of the vote, and no seats. The Bloc Quebecois got 9% of the vote, and got 50 seats. The NDP got 18.25 of the vote and got 37 seats. It's broken.
Stephane Dion will be out of job. Probably by the time you read this.
Jack Layton will not be out of a job.
Rahim Jaffer is a big fat liar. Who is out of a job.
A minority government is good for everyone, provided Mr. Sweater remembers his fixed election date this time. Creep.
And I'm done.
This is strictly a token blog to say that I voted! So did some other people! Some.
Lowest turnout in a federal election. That's embarrassing.
NDP broke the blue wall in Alberta. That's encouraging.
The Green Party got 6.8% of the vote, and no seats. The Bloc Quebecois got 9% of the vote, and got 50 seats. The NDP got 18.25 of the vote and got 37 seats. It's broken.
Stephane Dion will be out of job. Probably by the time you read this.
Jack Layton will not be out of a job.
Rahim Jaffer is a big fat liar. Who is out of a job.
A minority government is good for everyone, provided Mr. Sweater remembers his fixed election date this time. Creep.
And I'm done.
8.10.08
Backsliding
/sounds of scrabbling claws.
Gah, backsliding! Backsliding is bad!
Financials:
Bad news: My ultimate financial master plan has back-slid, to where I think I will have the line of credit resolved by February. My life insurance has doubled in price... that's lovely, and I need to get an AMA membership to maintian my HOME insurance.
Good news: still solvent, and have purchased some Xmas/New Year's presents and I think I have enough groceries to get through the week! Including cat food.
Sleep:
Bad news: I have developed a very interesting sleep pattern, where I go to sleep at about 10 instantly, sleep for an hour, wake up, have a panic attack, toss and turn for an hour, then sleep in half an hour in the morning.
Good news: The cats have calmed down enough to climb up onthe bed with me, so that when I do wake up there's something to do.
Renovations:
Bad news: The attic may be un-heatable, due to the difficulty in getting a cold air return built up there. THe beam needs doing, the front deck is falling off and, oh, I don't know, I forgot to buy a thingy to hold down the peeling linoleum in the kitchen.
Good news: I did buy all the window casings for his room, however! Hurrah! Installation can begin forthwith with the stapling and the bradding and then the painting. Also, I think I can figur eout how to get a cold air return up there... I think.
The Boy:
Bad News: This one is tricky... and sensitive... and burning a red hot hole of anger in me. I do not see any commmitment to his well-being, his academic achievement, any extra-curricular involvement or any interactions outside a VERY small group of people.
Good News: He is maturing! We had to redo some homework this week (as it was appallingly badly done) and he took it very bravely... VERY well indeed, demonstrating work ethic, diligence and responsibility.
Energy Levels:
Bad News: I don't feel like I'm accomplishing anything, because....
Good News: ... having had it suggested that my habit of throwing myself into things like a sugar-filled ferret with an attention deficit disorder and a case of OCD may be hard on those around me, I am structuring my days a bit more so that projects have their own days/times that I will not allow to bleed into each other.
Gah, backsliding! Backsliding is bad!
Financials:
Bad news: My ultimate financial master plan has back-slid, to where I think I will have the line of credit resolved by February. My life insurance has doubled in price... that's lovely, and I need to get an AMA membership to maintian my HOME insurance.
Good news: still solvent, and have purchased some Xmas/New Year's presents and I think I have enough groceries to get through the week! Including cat food.
Sleep:
Bad news: I have developed a very interesting sleep pattern, where I go to sleep at about 10 instantly, sleep for an hour, wake up, have a panic attack, toss and turn for an hour, then sleep in half an hour in the morning.
Good news: The cats have calmed down enough to climb up onthe bed with me, so that when I do wake up there's something to do.
Renovations:
Bad news: The attic may be un-heatable, due to the difficulty in getting a cold air return built up there. THe beam needs doing, the front deck is falling off and, oh, I don't know, I forgot to buy a thingy to hold down the peeling linoleum in the kitchen.
Good news: I did buy all the window casings for his room, however! Hurrah! Installation can begin forthwith with the stapling and the bradding and then the painting. Also, I think I can figur eout how to get a cold air return up there... I think.
The Boy:
Bad News: This one is tricky... and sensitive... and burning a red hot hole of anger in me. I do not see any commmitment to his well-being, his academic achievement, any extra-curricular involvement or any interactions outside a VERY small group of people.
Good News: He is maturing! We had to redo some homework this week (as it was appallingly badly done) and he took it very bravely... VERY well indeed, demonstrating work ethic, diligence and responsibility.
Energy Levels:
Bad News: I don't feel like I'm accomplishing anything, because....
Good News: ... having had it suggested that my habit of throwing myself into things like a sugar-filled ferret with an attention deficit disorder and a case of OCD may be hard on those around me, I am structuring my days a bit more so that projects have their own days/times that I will not allow to bleed into each other.
6.10.08
Island consternation.
I'm out in the shipping lanes, and well out of sight of land.
I have had a very strange encounter... and it's left me very puzzled.
Over the last week I have floated through a stunning archipelago of islands, each very lovely, but each as different as the last. Some seemed calm and peaceful, others warring and fractured.
One island in particular was very strange... I was drifting by, with no intention of going closer (particularly in light of my new medical troubles as identified here), when a small dugout canoe approached me, offering some sort of sticky fruit, possibly a papaya or paella or a pollo or something.
I hove to, and tethered their canoe onto the side of my raft and did enjoy a brief visit with the merchant.
Following that discussion, the merchant mentioned how pleased he would be if I came for supper with him. I tried to make an off-hand refusal, to casually imply that while I thought that to be a lovely invitation, undefined obstacles would prevent it. (I'm very reluctant to say to an islander "unfortunately, as I am very sick and likely to infect your population with hideous tropical fevers")
Thinking the matter concluded, I detached from the canoe and poled my way away. Not 15 minutes later, four canoes appeared, and beseeched me to return with them to the harbour.
I was hot, tired, sweaty and parched dry by the sun, and I thought there'd be little harm in a brief sojourn nearer to an island, so I accepted, thinking that to be surrounded by the hustle and bustle of a port would be lovely.
When I arrived in the port, hustle and bustle there was! Boats of every type and description scurrying to and fro, unloading and loading and music everywhere.
I saw, to be sure, the usual blights that you see in any community. This island has been very poor, and its people have sacrificed much to build what is there. I believe they also pay tribute to a mainland colonial power.
But what friendly people! Every boatman that passed, every dock-hand above my makeshift craft, waved hello to me. The people seemed as kind and as warm as any I have met in some time and genuinely and specifically glad to see me!
I began to picture that I was being invited to stay on the island, but though every indication was so (including being given a map, an understanding of residency requirements and an introduction to a merchant who was hiring labourers) no clear offer was made.
Maybe I was supposed to ask myself if residency was possible, but I forebore for two reasons:
1) My doctors would be most displeased (in fact, I believe they have dispatched a small barq of marine troops to ensure I do not land on any island)
2) As we toured the harbour, they were more than open to show me where mainlanders live, and to show me that there is no vacancy there, that housing is in very short supply.
As I write this down, though my pencil is getting short and I am running out of paper, I see the value of this journal as perhaps, after writing it, and imprisoning this experience on the page, I will be able to sleep again...
... for since that harbour tour I can scarce close my eyes before the sights and sounds of that harbour re-appear in as vivid detail as when first I saw and heard them.
I have had a very strange encounter... and it's left me very puzzled.
Over the last week I have floated through a stunning archipelago of islands, each very lovely, but each as different as the last. Some seemed calm and peaceful, others warring and fractured.
One island in particular was very strange... I was drifting by, with no intention of going closer (particularly in light of my new medical troubles as identified here), when a small dugout canoe approached me, offering some sort of sticky fruit, possibly a papaya or paella or a pollo or something.
I hove to, and tethered their canoe onto the side of my raft and did enjoy a brief visit with the merchant.
Following that discussion, the merchant mentioned how pleased he would be if I came for supper with him. I tried to make an off-hand refusal, to casually imply that while I thought that to be a lovely invitation, undefined obstacles would prevent it. (I'm very reluctant to say to an islander "unfortunately, as I am very sick and likely to infect your population with hideous tropical fevers")
Thinking the matter concluded, I detached from the canoe and poled my way away. Not 15 minutes later, four canoes appeared, and beseeched me to return with them to the harbour.
I was hot, tired, sweaty and parched dry by the sun, and I thought there'd be little harm in a brief sojourn nearer to an island, so I accepted, thinking that to be surrounded by the hustle and bustle of a port would be lovely.
When I arrived in the port, hustle and bustle there was! Boats of every type and description scurrying to and fro, unloading and loading and music everywhere.
I saw, to be sure, the usual blights that you see in any community. This island has been very poor, and its people have sacrificed much to build what is there. I believe they also pay tribute to a mainland colonial power.
But what friendly people! Every boatman that passed, every dock-hand above my makeshift craft, waved hello to me. The people seemed as kind and as warm as any I have met in some time and genuinely and specifically glad to see me!
I began to picture that I was being invited to stay on the island, but though every indication was so (including being given a map, an understanding of residency requirements and an introduction to a merchant who was hiring labourers) no clear offer was made.
Maybe I was supposed to ask myself if residency was possible, but I forebore for two reasons:
1) My doctors would be most displeased (in fact, I believe they have dispatched a small barq of marine troops to ensure I do not land on any island)
2) As we toured the harbour, they were more than open to show me where mainlanders live, and to show me that there is no vacancy there, that housing is in very short supply.
As I write this down, though my pencil is getting short and I am running out of paper, I see the value of this journal as perhaps, after writing it, and imprisoning this experience on the page, I will be able to sleep again...
... for since that harbour tour I can scarce close my eyes before the sights and sounds of that harbour re-appear in as vivid detail as when first I saw and heard them.
3.10.08
Weekend plans
Oh what a joyous time I have planned!
Tonight, first official meeting of the recently-separated male live role player's support group at 1715 at Brewsters, then house-cleaning, and chatting with the Boy on the phone!
Tomorrow, it's a 5 hour drive to Saskamatoon in the 'Sing-Along Car' with good people, then there's a Firefly-themed role-playing game, followed by coffee and/or beer, if I'm any judge.
Sunday, back to Edmonton, and try to have a little supper with the Boy before sending him back to his mom's for the evening.
I win!
Tonight, first official meeting of the recently-separated male live role player's support group at 1715 at Brewsters, then house-cleaning, and chatting with the Boy on the phone!
Tomorrow, it's a 5 hour drive to Saskamatoon in the 'Sing-Along Car' with good people, then there's a Firefly-themed role-playing game, followed by coffee and/or beer, if I'm any judge.
Sunday, back to Edmonton, and try to have a little supper with the Boy before sending him back to his mom's for the evening.
I win!
1.10.08
Raft hopping
I have had an interesting stand-off with the medical authorities.
They have detected some ireegularities that are making it unlikely that I can go ashore anywhere until they're dealt with, or in remission, or what-have-you.
It's interesting because this may be an illness I contracted without realizing it, without seeing it as illness. It's a little bit like suddenly successfully losing weight, then finding out it's because you have cancer.
In this case, (it's not cancer) but it's something whose symptoms I can control if I maintain the proper medication an exercise regime.
So over the last few days I've been doing sit-ups and pushups (you can 't do much more on a raft) and then trying to find ways to monitor the symptoms.
Most islands have harbour physicians who will check me out and give me a bit of a diagnosis. I did stop in briefly onto two islands over the last few days, and one doctor saw no synmptoms at that time, but the other doctor looked very concerned and tut-tutted his way away.
They have detected some ireegularities that are making it unlikely that I can go ashore anywhere until they're dealt with, or in remission, or what-have-you.
It's interesting because this may be an illness I contracted without realizing it, without seeing it as illness. It's a little bit like suddenly successfully losing weight, then finding out it's because you have cancer.
In this case, (it's not cancer) but it's something whose symptoms I can control if I maintain the proper medication an exercise regime.
So over the last few days I've been doing sit-ups and pushups (you can 't do much more on a raft) and then trying to find ways to monitor the symptoms.
Most islands have harbour physicians who will check me out and give me a bit of a diagnosis. I did stop in briefly onto two islands over the last few days, and one doctor saw no synmptoms at that time, but the other doctor looked very concerned and tut-tutted his way away.
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